I become alluring with bans and boycotts.
First they'll smoke some raisins, 
Then they'll shoot up apricots!
I know you can't resist me, 
Do you wanna smoke some fruit? 
Check out my sweet-ass matching pant-suit!

I like how everyone really hates @avclub-620982009915db2a0b4a49e224bad30c:disqus.

Assuming the narrative of his life even remotely reflects reality, Jesus didn't grow up in anything close to abject poverty. Joseph had a good trade.

I know a certain black man with certain nuclear launch codes who might disagree.

I want to live in the world where Tom Waits has a running gig narrating a science TV show.

"Soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months, and then taken outside and run over with a car."

Are we human? Or are we Dancer?

Well, it does require a guy to hang on to the top of a ladder as it tips over…

And isn't that the real truth?

That's right: Morgan Freeman's farts sound like a ship's horn.

That's just flat out awesome.

Well done.

I'M GOING TO BURY YOU UNDER THE GROUND, ELI

Just show them this, @avclub-6dfdd63abbcb8863fba5ab0ab35d76f5:disqus :

"Oooh….yeah…"

See "The Recurring Attorneys" in Motion to Strike Two: The MLBPA Musical

I would trade my self-respect for a phenomenally huge wang.

Uh, no. That is the reason why local government is ineffective. And that's the way everyone likes it, because if they actually did things correctly they'd be asked to do more things.

"That's coming out of YOUR pay!"

taH Pagh taHbe'!