Def Leppard is seriously fucking awesome. There's no hipster irony in that statement, Def Leppard rules. Want to know how awesome they are? In 20 years, call a radio station and request "Photograph." I guarantee 99 times out of 100 it will not be the Nickelback song.

I'm afraid that without the star power and unbridled anticipation of 1998's "Lost in Space," this particular James Cameron juggernaut can never be stopped. Where are you now that we need you, Yellow CGI Space Monkey? Where have you gone, Matt LeBlanc's Weird Lips? Whither Heather Graham in a Spacesuit?

Speaking of which, where did the rodeo sequence come from, with Peter playing the piano between shots? It seemed like something the show wanted me to laugh at because it was from something else, but apparently I've never seen the movie.

The Holy Spirit has really lost a step over the years. It's gone from appearing as a tongue of fire over the Apostles' heads and instantly translating their words for all to understand the word of God to nudging a beauty pageant contestant into making a barely-coherent statement against gay marriage.

It's a little-known fact that "Avatar" was actually a line item in the stimulus package.

Frank Stallone?
?

You know, in all the snapping and number-having going on, I think we're losing sight of the real issue here. And that is that the best form of instant Hysteria is the Def Leppard album of the same name.

Relax, everybody…
Rush was only there to scout the next batch of Fox News commentators.

Yeah, I'm sure Bart and Homer would both be really huge Coldplay fans, I guess.

I have a sneaking suspicion that a girl named Connie D'Amico rejected Seth MacFarlane back in high school, and I'm concerned for her safety.

What the hell kind of a name is Gulager?!?

Coming up tonight, on The J. Reilly Factor… godless feminist intellectuals and why they want to kidnap you from your mother's house, plus more tips for maintaining a healthy valve.

Lemur,

Okay, to be clear: I'm not implying that Palin is a racist, and "white" wasn't the type of American I believe her show will focus on.

"Sarah Palin's Real American Stories"
or: "We Perpetuate the Myth of Small-Town Nobility for 30 Minutes or So"

"Look at this, a pregnant Star Wars fan. When is the baby due?"
"About three months."
"That's probably the last time he'll ever see female genitalia."

That's the other thing. Jay gets all sanctimonious about making sure his crew keeps their jobs while at the same time renegotiating his contract with NBC so he can kick Conan's people to the street. I know show business is dog-eat-dog and all that, but at least dogs are honest about it.

The most insulting thing about Leno's explanation
is that he tried the "It's just business" thing and said "If you don't get the ratings, you're gone" about Conan. No kidding, Jay, that's why this whole mess got started, because you weren't getting ratings. If your show was having such a negative effect on the 11 pm…

In 50 years, the Fox News Movie Channel will produce a movie about the scandal that erupted when it was discovered that the vegetables used in the White House "Top Chef" episode weren't from the Obamas' garden.

?
Juh?