I've long said that the reason why "California pizza" (i.e. pizza with a shitload of toppings) is even a thing is because the base pizza mostly sucks, so they try to hide that by loading a bunch of toppings on it. i see through your shit, California.

"I'll say this about liberals: they always take the bait." - Bill Maher

Sam Barsanti wrote a terrible article and made a bunch of terrible "points" to back it up.

"Hillary cheated, why didn't Bernie?" - you

Unaddressed on the show, I figure it has to be mentioned here.

I hate that I've been dragged down to their level of "if they're miserable then I'm happy," but fuck it. If they're miserable, I'm happy!

I love it. I'm so, so happy that her bullshit empire is crumbling. Between Milo and Tomi, I can almost deal with Trump being the so-called precedent.

"[He's] a Nazi, George. A Nazi."

Sometimes when I'm making my Shitty points I'll capitalize Random words so that people mistakenly think I'm talking about different People or Places who have bizarre names and am not merely saying Crazy shit

There's still this ridiculously small part of me that wants to believe he's doing some sort of Andy Kaufman routine. That he somehow isn't this insane megalomaniac. That he at least knows what he's doing when he does the insane shit he does. I can't let go of that part of me that wants to believe that.

"a sudden departure from the series"

Hopefully Derek can patch things up with his bro Kevin.

They used the same in-house agency that Pepsi uses.

I'm eagerly awaiting Rouge Two: Revenge of the Mascara

I'm conflicted about responding to people who feel the need to look at people's other comments on other articles (comments written for humorous effect, not because I'm an actual pig, dipshit) in order to bolster their shitty point about how awful they are.

Few things infuriate me more than that bullshit right-wing garbage about how Michelle used to be a man. Fucking morons.

I'm conflicted about responding to people who make holier-than-thou statements about themselves and then criticize others for a lack of good dialogue.

I don't know but I bet I know how he was feeling! Sad!

I finally realized what I hate about Adam Devine. It always looks like his hair is stuck in some sort of almost-invisible hairnet.

"If only we could remind fat people that they're fat, they'll stop being fat. Not calling them fat keeps them fat. And this impacts my life directly."