i'll step up and confirm it. you are welcome

can you pick up some ice on your way? we're all out

i'm confused. what else could i have meant?

hostage care-taking really is my specialty

wait, was i not supposed to tie her up? oops

i look very sexy in red, it's true

"banned" and "is tied up in my basement" are so interchangeable at this point, really

*sheds a single tear over losing best (AND worst) gimmick account*

honestly, as a person who is keeping her captive in their basement has barely interacted with her, i feel like she'd be upset by her inclusion there. she'd probably call it silly or make everyone vote for regina. (sorry to interrupt, just felt like that had to be said)

fine! go fight kirk cameron yourself then, you big, mean robot

there is just no pleasing you, is there?

hey, take it up with my parents. i wanted to be called "gertrude"

you doubt me :(? this is what i get for trying to bring festive cheer!

ok, let's do this

i'm genuinely sorry about this. i feel pretty responsible.

my barber didn't trim my goatee properly. it's really got me on edge

thank you for sharing this. you have a good night, too

that's fair, but i really do mean it - no bullshit. i'm having a bad day and it would be nice to hear a pleasant story, if you have one.

tell me a story!

i sent that to you in confidence, you monster