I dunno, I know ol' Smilin' Stan is way better, but whatever. Avclub sideshows ahoy!

GEORGE LUCAS BROKE MY CHILDHOOD LIKE CHRIS BROWN BROKE THAT WINDOW!

I know
and people still harp on about that whole "OJ murdered his wife" thing, and it's been over ten years! Get over it, people!

You also have the satisfaction of knowing you're not a violent talentless tool.

I keep forgetting that logic doesn't work with celebrities.

WHO?
Again? Why do I care?

I'm sure Rihanna has her own crazies and awful bits. However, you shouldn't fucking hit people. You're not fucking twelve. You know what you do when a woman throws the keys to your sports car down the drain? Call a taxi, and dump that bitch right then and there. Also, HOW DID HE NOT HAVE A SPARE SET OF KEYS? Fucking…

At last!
A line I can now use to make fun of gym rats: "You're so ripped you walk funny!"

Agreed. That does hit a note for us with daddy issues, although I hope my real-life shenanigans are not as sappy or on point.

Wow
Five remakes of a movie that I didn't really care for in the first place.

Too many villians? Are we looking at a Spider-Man 3 again?

Who?
Seriously? Who is she? Why should I care? Sell it to me, AV Club!

Won't we depressed
…when we find out that much of our brains are dedicated to processing visual information and helping us poo? I mean really, geniuses are products of diligence, not neurological freakry.

Frankly, if the Sitch fell asleep in my house, I'd be drawing things all over his face.

Then turn the TV off. No one has a gun to your head and is making you skip perfectly good basketball games for this show.

See, shows like this make me ashamed to be a woman.

I find Dave to be a really believable character. As a student who went to school with certified egomaniacs who openly looked down on the students and the rest of the staff, he makes a lot of sense to me. Oddly, I find him to be the most believable character.

Baywatch
had it's turn. Pamela Anderson got old, Hasselhoff became a national punchline, and now the world has moved on. Thank god.

I wish I was fat. This keeping fit and eating good food thing blows monkey chunks.

Actually, he encourages people to torrent it…he said it on one of his podcasts. So whatever.