Abortion's
…like, wrong and stuff.

That
makes me really sad.

I say you should have Ferris Bueller to remind you that life moves pretty fast, and if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you'll miss i-OH SHIT I DROPPED MY CELL PHONE! BUELLER!

This internet thinks:
He should go back to doing Madonna, and leave us all alone.

I dislike her because she doesn't take responsibility for her screwed-up-ness. Sure, her parents contributed to that, but you know what? At some point, you have to take responsibility for your problems. She's an adult, and she needs to grow the fuck up, swallow her pride, and work. Or get a GED. Something other than…

The Appeal of the Bieb
I can confirm this. I know college students who were just out of their minds to go see Never Say Never. Not panty-soaking excited, more like "OMG! It's a puppy!" excited. I think tweens may love Bieber in that screamy way, but I think he's more like a cute kitten to the late-mid-post adolescents.

Assuming
she actually has friends. Dealers don't count.

I'm one year old.

Hey, hey hey! We prefer to be called morons!

I read somewhere that the Tony's base was plastic, which is why I assume the Grammy's is too, but if it came down to a duel, I'd want the People's Choice Award.

Post-Racial, yes. Post-batshit insanity, no.

Sounds like
a Professor Layton game.

Wait
Henry Winkler has a twitter? Oh, my life is complete!

"Goddamn Lonely Love" is probably my favorite song of all time.

I wish:
That she'd get rid of that red hair. Makes her look like a used tampon. Can we sue her for that?

Lifetime just needed more nuts.

No kidding, if only there was a way to get rid of all that money…

I AM THREATENED BY MY DAUGHTER'S INDEPENDENCE!

So this is like…
Sweeney Todd 2: Vampire Boogaloo?

URK
I kinda puked a little in my mouth when I read the headline.