Duct tape and intravenous MDMA.

I openly hate myself but I've still been able to get laid.

Several, actually, but I never slept with any of them, because I have integrity. HA! Who am I kidding; it's not that I have integrity, it's that I felt like if I did sleep with them I'd just have been using a line to get in their pants and I've always liked to be honest with girls about what I'm offering / looking for…

Now you're talking.

Who knows what type of evil lurks in the hearts of man?

In fairness, I am an actual nice person (if a little loudmouthed and boorish) as anybody from the AV Club who's met me can attest, and I do indeed buy things for women (mostly drinks) in the hope that they'll eventually have sex with me. That's sort of how hooking up with NYU grad students at dive bars around…

The thinking of a "Nice Guy" is that being friends with a woman is like a job, and sex is like a paycheck. To their view, if you put effort into being someone's friend, you expect to receive sex out of it after enough effort goes in. So from his perspective, giving up on the friendship would be like walking away from…

IK, I have lost forty pounds since the last time you saw me. Still have a lot to go, but on the right path. Still not somebody you'd find attractive, of course.

This is why I'm always very explicit whenever I'm friendly to a female I don't want to have sex with that I don't want to fuck them. @SatelliteInternetIsSkynight could tell you this if she were around — when I'm friends with a girl I don't want to fuck, I always make it clear the second or third time I meet them "I'm…

I personally am really into an untamed wilderness that's never trimmed and never kept in line, just let it grow wild and free. Current girl I'm seeing was like "really?" when I told her that. But she's growing out for me.

I refuse to believe this.

Dick. Ass. Boobs.

Oh, that would be terrible. Got it now, thanks.

I have literally no idea what any of that means.

Am I the only one who really liked the plotline about the trade embargo?

Wait, since when are they doing another Star Wars movie?

It is indeed from "Kids."

Virgins? Right. The way I see it. My outlook on the situation. It's like getting fame, you know what I'm saying? Say you was to die tomorrow right, fifty years from now all the virgins you ever fucked are gonna remember you. Right? They gonna tell their grandkids about that shit.

Delayed until September for work reasons, unfortunately. But still excited!

WOW.