Yeah, funny how that works…

Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.

This is the sexiest news I've heard in a long time.

Or when the people you're related to are hot.

If you don't think the scene in Cruel Intentions where Sarah Michelle Gellar gives Ryan Phillippe a lap dance to almost the point of orgasm is one of the hottest things in film history, you're delusional.

You're fucking wrong, because incest is sooooooo hot.

The entire manuscript: "Lulz look at what this dumb bitch lets me do to her. I'm so Alpha it makes me cum just thinking about how hot I am." Fin

What if you hide in the lady theatre beforehand under the seats to look up the ladies' skirts? Is that a quirky subject for a teen raunch-com, or sexual assault?

1996 was the year I first got a blowjob so I'll go with that one.

Unless you're standing on the lip of a tall building ledge; then, don't reach out. Reach back.

Ew, Valley Stream.

Except this would be the equivalent of somebody saying they were a huge fan of the Chappelle Show but then not recognizing the term "black white supremacist."

I think Rubio's favorite Wu-Tang affiliated artist is actually Christ Bearer:

Rubio was a much bigger fan of The Coup on 9/11:

That might be the first TI reference on TOC I've ever seen. Bravissimi, good sir.

No, I mean, it's just… like, it's not like I've really been reticent to tell tales of my disgusting, humiliating, depressing sex life on here before. Ad naseum (literally).

There are no WalMarts in New York City. And I rarely leave New York City, and when I do, it's not normally for the type of place where there are WalMarts.

I… you do know I'm not gay, right?

I think I've only watched a couple of them. I don't know; don't get much out of girls pointing and laughing at a guy, I suppose.

I have never set foot inside a Wal-Mart, and never will. Costco all the way.