Especially Stacy's mom. I hear she's got it going on.

Sex is supposed to be a joyless, pitiable exercise engaged in by two (or more) people who would rather be literally anywhere else in the world than where they are at the moment, which once finished with is then followed by an immediate running in opposite directions of all parties, never to see each other again. Along…

EXACTLY! WITNESS!

I think you're on the wrong website. This is the website that gave Crank 2 an A- back when that made it one of the best films of the year.

Or, you know, move to New York.

Well, it's a popular thing. 9 out of 10 people really enjoy gang rape.

I really liked that steampunk car that Tom Sawyer was driving around in. I thought the guy playing Captain Nemo was badass. I've always been a huge Stewart Townsend fan. Peta Wilson's hot as fuck. That big final battle scene in the snow castle was suitably epic. It had everything you could really want in a solid…

I'm interesting in seeing this movie because I really, really, REALLY liked the Sean Connery one. I might be the only person alive who can say that truthfully.

It's been known to happen.

I'm now curious about these "few gay-identified guys [who] are secretly straight." Like, why would they do that? For the status?

If I can get laid, anybody can.

Did your partner tie you to a bedpost, with your ass cheeks spread out and shit, right? Then put a hanger on a fucking stove and let that shit sit there for like a half hour, take it off and stick it in your ass slow like tssssssss?

Trust me, there is no pleasure in sex.

SIR, BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY, SIR!

She could have a happy birthday today, and then be miserable tomorrow.

Because it hasn't.

Helena-Bonham Carter turns 49 today. True story. Happy birthday to her. I'd still tap that.

That's an Eighth Amendment violation in the U.S. Thank God those Australians don't have a Bill of Rights.

Better question: If it's set in Paris, who's going to use butter as an anal lubricant?

I would prefer not to.