Do you know how hard it is to carry something that big through Manhattan?

Gary X wasn't able to do them last year.

Plaxico Buress is already hosting the Emmys this year.

Every musician I know does it as a side job because they know there's no realistic possibility of surviving on income from making music. It's sort of like being a freelance writer about music or something; there's no realistic way to make enough money to survive, so you can only do it as a side job.

Yeah, see, there's the difference I guess; I always end up paying for everything all the time everywhere. Over the last five years I'd say I've probably spent… oh, maybe $15,000 on first-date dinners. It does tend to add up.

As long as they use those stilletos to crush small forest creatures I'm all for it.

Yeah, I know. People either are new and don't know my sense of humor or are just really really touchy all the sudden.

I mean… eh. I've been on hundreds of online dates and all of them were dinner the first time, and I've gotten laid from many of them, so… I dunno?

If you Imogen Poots hard enough you end up with an Imogen Heap.

REMOVED because seriously this site is tightening up it standards about necrophilia jokes.

It's a fun place to spend a weekend bender.

I donate my piss to charities all across the greater NYC area. If by "charities" you mean "sidewalks and the mouths of really desperate homeless men who'll do literally anything for a dollar."

If somebody isn't much of a drinker, then they're not a person I'm going to be able to date seriously.

Francis Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Tattoine.

I THROW MY HANDS UP IN THE AIR SOMETIMES, SAYING LEGGO OF MY EGGO
I WANNA CELEBRATE AND LIVE MY LIFE SAYING LEGGO OF MY EGGO

The story behind my quitting my job to break up with the girl is actually one of my more shameful stories, in that I feel like a terrible person for doing it… it was pre-Facebook era, and this girl… she didn't know where I lived, just had my cell phone number, and would see me at work every day to meet up and hang…

Seriously am. Learned my lesson never to do that again.

No, although I did work in McDonald's for four years in high school and college. This was my first real job as an actual adult, where I was fucking my secretary.

GODDAMMIT I wish I had an Axe Body Spray avatar so I could say "And my axe!"

I normally get in to the office around 10:00, so I could theoretically do a morning coffee date. That seems like too much pressure, though; nobody's ever at their best first thing in the morning. It would be kind of cool for somebody who's into coffee, though, since I do know the owner of what is supposed to be the…