I hear you. I've been jerking off to stuff lately that I'm not even sure you can classify as porn. Like, if a woman is locked in a tank of water with only her head sticking up above it and no other parts of her visible while dudes throw earthworms at her face… is that porn?

Which is sort of hilarious, because my grandmother grew up in Crown Heights in the '20's and has seen like eighty different waves of "revitalization" in the neighborhood.

This, by the way, in case you haven't seen it, is the greatest video in internet history. Guy in the Hamptons found bedbugs in his rental car, and decided to kill them by pouring gallons of rubbing alcohol all over the interior and then lighting a match. It goes way better than anticipated (watch for the giant…

Do you not?

Wait, no Maisie Williams nudity? HOLY SHIT HBO SHE TURNED 18 LAST WEEK GET WITH THE FUCKING PROGRAM ALREADY.

Oh, I am; I fucking HATE all of these fucking Williamsburg (and Greenpoint and Bushwick and now sorta Bed-Stuy) jackasses. I just, you know… I have the name and all.

I haven't seen last night's episode. I assume it had nudity.

It's called "gentrification" actually.

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

I only know of Gus Van Zant as that guy from Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back.

I have a cousin named Luca.

Have you ever left the basement? Is it just a mouldering pile of empty Doritos bags and jizz-covered copies of "Guns & Ammo" from 1993?

He thought he had figured out how to go about finishing off his solo acoustic career… he thought he had the answer. But it turns he needed a more… final… solution.

I loved playing this game at drunken house parties. I approve of this.

Isn't it though?

Ok, moral absolutist, would it be wrong to steal all of North Korea's nuclear plans and materials? Theft isn't an absolute negative under all circumstances, especially when it's stealing money from annoying rich people.

Which is why he fits so perfectly in the role of "all the women want him, and all the men want to be him" that is Jordan Belfort.

No. Why would you think I am?

I don't see why you would think of self-loathing as a negative; to me it's one of the most powerful positive forces in human history.

Um, I never said anything about "being at the mercy of both." I said that everybody in NYC who has a gun is either a cop (or a professional security guard) or a drug dealer. So as long as you stay clear of drug dealers (which is pretty easy, since they tend not to go after people who aren't involved in drug dealing),…