(zooms over on a shitty Scootypuff Jr.)

You should restart this story. "One time, my aunt roofied a Beatle."

"Could be worse. Could be raining."
(storm ensues)

I need to hear more about this.

Seriously, the man has true talent. It's impossible to make a documentary about the Donner party that can be prescribed as a sedative, and yet he did it!

Never been to a dorm room and seen pics of Audrey Hepburn during her UNICEF years.

Sort of how like Audrey Hepburn lived well into her 70s but all the pics of her on the internet stop after age 32.

Ishtar did conduct the ceremony and there was a light supper of cave rat to follow.

I remember vividly her putting on shoe polish to look "black" and the subsequent horror on every African American actor's face.
And how every white person was like "Looks legit to me."

(holds cymbal to keep it from ringing)
(glares at you)

Served in a tap shoe.

No, but I can do a really good impression of Lea Seydoux (which is lost on everyone because only I know who that is in this state).

Coming 2050, Space Pope Abigail Breslin.

She was married to John Agar of "The Mole People," though. Poor woman.

Seriously, anyone who's "meh" about her dancing with Bojangles can leave right now.

Because none of the adults ever paid attention to them unless they pulled wild theatrical stunts.

I know everyone thinks Jan is the worst Brady girl, but we as a culture really need to assess the horror that was Thindy.

Nah, I'm like one of the Twilight vampires: eternally 25.
It's really working out for me.

I rewatched "The Bluebird of Happiness" recently and it held up really well.

"Shirley Temple Black" is the non-virgin version of the cocktail, right?
Ginger ale, grenadine, and Johnny Walker?
Sorry, seriously, RIP to the greatest idol of my childhood.