He looks like Peter Pettigrew up there.

I laughed so hard reading this….

Ha, I wish it was that coherent…..

Being god of the Ren faire is like being the hottest woman at a Warhammer Tournament.

Sounds like the name of a feminists-only Game of Thrones podcast.
Oh, they act like it's going to be fun, but every episode is just about Sansa Stark……

(Romans drop their weapons and applaud with cheers of 'YES, MUHMAH!" and "FABULOUS BITCH, WERK" as the Picts serve Gaulish realness on the runway)

Here, quick, take his spanner.
(throws duffle bag with a wrench in it at opponent)

Jeans are incredibly uncomfortable. What an abrasive restrictive fabric.
I actually feel bad that guys can't opt out and wear skirts. They're very agile.

So you better go back to your bars, your hotels
Your massage parlors

"I am no man."
(Nerf balls you in the face)

Ugh, this Battle Royale is already off to a bad start.

She sounds so bored…..

(everyone awkwardly tries to kneel with their butt plugs and nine-inch Louboutins)

"I really feel like there needs to be a third Sex and the City movie. I mean, the last one was definitely their Two Towers, but come on: so many loose ends to tie up!"

Well, they are making a new Star Trek. Maybe it's something to do with a pie eating contest.

As a tall woman getting her MBA this semester, I hope one day I will be powerful enough that other powerful people will call me such elegant slurs.
"That fucking Amazon Brienne of Tarth bitch."

I agree, even though technically I am a "mouthbreather" by your definition……

All those aggressive Celtic fey, cursing milk and making calves be born with two heads. Philadelphia has enough problems.

Ah, you also went to a Catholic school.

Considering my father, the person with the highest IQ in the family, told me recently that he thought leprechauns actually exist (or did at some time), I would not be surprised that this scam would be successful.