His stand-up is really quite good. Tonally (and vocally), he's like Pete Campbell and Nucky Thompson's child.

700 wives and 300 concubines.
Nice even ratios.

Demons of the elements controlled with a magical ring, no less.

~Christian~ science.

Science talk for "It worked once, but we're not sure why."

King Solomon is obviously the best choice for a TV show.
1. Magic
2. Could talk to plants and control the elements
3. Creator of Kabbalah
4. 1,000 wives
5. Bilqis, Queen of Sheba, the beautiful Ethiopian queen who was smarter than he was

CBS needs to gently break this to the Dads of this world in an Activia commercial or something.
"Like the yogurt? Good, because no more Star Trek for a while. Enjoy The Big Bang Theory, nerd."

So, like. Seven pieces of lens flare?

*T'Pring side-eye*

From an article I read:
"Last time, Zoe needed to wear underwear, and this time it was Alice
Eve’s turn. You know, it’s a rather large male fanbase, and JJ wanted to
appeal to that."
But yeah, the lens flare is where you really felt you fucked up.

What's the right way to say "Kubrick"? I've been saying "COO-brick", but others say "KEW-brick."
The latter pronunciation is an ear-blight, but is it correct?

"Some ghosts haunts snails. Some ghosts haunt oysters…….I haunt snails AND oysters."

If you're even remotely cute, your nerdiness is seen as endearing, even attractive.

Isn't she?

"I gave Smaug a dollar."
"She gave Smaug a dollar!"
"I thought he'd go away."
"Damn it, woman, you can't give no treasure-guarding dragon a dollar!"

"I am now Gandalf the White."
One elf mutters to another "Like he's got the coloring to pull of an all-white palette."

I think the reviews for his performance would have been better if they just kept his character as "terrorist John Harrison" who was maybe Khan's lieutenant or something.
Not, you know. A character that was a white guy with an Indian name who also acted nothing like the first Kahn at all.

"I need about tree fiddy."
"………."

A wed wose. How womantic.

"for all we know Legolas is happily married during LOTR"
Laughs.