Fuck your couch, Traci Hines!

Did anyone else have actual nightmares over the VMAs last night? My brain was screening a remix of "Raise the Red Lantern" and Miley Cyrus's Hillbilly Crotchfest Hodown over and over.

"American Style" means "in a mattress filled with French fries and live rounds."

In real life, Hodor is played by Vanessa Hudgens of "High School Musical Fame."
COMPUTERS!

(narrated by Leonard Nimoy) "Aiden Gillan, the actor who plays Petyr Baelish, is actually biologically unable to grow a mustache. With the magic of CGI, we give him the kind of 'creepy gym teacher mustache' that all readers have come to mentally associate with this character."

YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS IT WILL.

No wax figures of female serial killers? Check your wax privilege!

It was a female………and it laid eggs!
(Everyone in the audience gets a headache out of sympathy)

Being 10 and not knowing it?

Earth to Meekus: it's a Venture Bros. quote.

Kevin: "Do….Do you think I'm retarded?"
Angela: (barely able to hide her grin) "Oh, Holly……That's not very nice."

- Alanis Morisette

Excuse me, these are stirrup leggings, they are pants.
- Seven year-old Lux Lisbon

Maybe it's the seam on her skin suit.

Hello, Darkness, my old friend……

Is that a C-section scar on the girl with the angel wings?

Underclothing women wear to work and to sleep in is called "underwear."
Underclothing women wear to get lucky is called "lingerie."
No woman in her right mind goes to sleep in a steel-boned corset and panties with pom poms on them.

Craggy brown areolas.

At DZ Discovery Zone! *slides down slide made of painful plastic rollers and bruises entire legs*

Those are some mournful tits up there.
Like a bunch of suicide notes stuffed in some glitter bras.