What does giving thanks have to do with dead birds, football, and the wholesale destruction of the Native Americans? Mom? Dad?

I'd probably be more enthusiastic about Thanksgiving if it weren't for two facts: I almost always have some sort of school project hanging over my head, since I've been in school for roughly the past century, and it's also a reminder, at least in my family, of the time my grandmother was murdered (two days before…

Full disclosure - I have not read the books, seen the movie, or have any intention of doing the same.

Actually, I'm pretty proud of knowing Dick. He's a pleasant fellow to be around.

I do, I do remember what it tastes like. Like Crystal Pepsi, oddly enough. It really wasn't that bad, but I'm a beer hating freak, so what do I know.

Cola and beer is called a colaweizen (sp?), and it's pretty foul. Yes, I tried one, trying to see if the addition of soda would somehow make beer more palatable. It did not.

NU is also the initials of Niagara University, and our mascot is the Purple Eagle. I couldn't afford no fancy schoolin' at Northwestern.

There's never an appropriate time.

Bacon never asks for it - go abuse some other meat.

Hey, I'm an NU grad. What's wrong with purple? Although I have yet to actually see this mysterious Purple Eagle that is our mascot. I'll bet the ASPCA has a bacon vodka aneurism after that the wildlife interaction necessary to spawn that.

People, this taste test was missing a serious component required to push it to awesomeness - they didn't figure out a way to add maple flavor! Bacon, maple and vodka would be one of the best breakfast drinks ever.

Sweet fancy moses, and I've been letting men come in my ass! I have to worry about ass babies now? Do I have a legal right to an assbortion?

No, the slaughter of firstborn males (not necessarily children) was in the Egyptian kingdom but was not limited to Egyptians - it occured in any household where the doorposts were not smeared with blood (lambs or goats blood, I think). The blood signaled that the inhabitants were the right sort of God fearing people,…

Worst. Drinking Game. Ever.

Andy Rooney's Bushy Pubic Hair would be a great name for a band.

Ah, you think you know all my secrets…

Ladies and gentleman, that's how you mock someone. +10 internets to my boyfriend. Unless it really is my boyfriend, in which case the prize is none of your goddamn business.

I thought someone was playing a practical joke, or had actually canned santorum for some ungodly reason. Not a pleasant visual.

And how exactly do you know what Andy Rooney's spotted dick tastes like?

There may be a horse's ass here, but it ain't me.