I'm not sure my mommy allows me to talk to people who have a morbid fascination with my bowel movements.

Yeah, but I don't know how many people who are getting this particular meal (probably in ad seg) are going to be swallowing much else besides food. I hear the odds of getting raped go down dramatically when you aren't allowed outside your cell.

Government officials will be there shortly to deal with this device. There's nothing to see here, people, nothing to see.

Send it to the starving children in Ethiopia. I know they want it, because that's where my mom always threatened to send my dinner when I didn't clean my plate.

Yeah, I wondered about that, too. Who the hell uses chunky applesauce in this equation? Were you just trying to add to the overall repulsiveness? Do you hate the rest of the AV Club tastetesters?

This almost looks like…
something that came out the other end when I participated in a colon clense. Only less palatable and much more brick shaped.

Yes, many of us have had that "it doesn't want to go down" sensation.

Seriously, where's your office? I say invite some local AV club readers to put their money where their mouth is, since they are the ones foisting this stuff on your poor palates.

I can't help it if I get all of my information about England from watching Austin Powers. What do you want me to do, expand my mind or something?

Percoset and pizza.

Is it wrong that I was a little turned on by this conversation?

Yeah, but we say "how" instead of "'ow" like the Brits, or at least that's what multiple viewings of My Fair Lady has led me to believe. I like stereotypes, they make it so I don't have to think to hard.

Pontifications should cease now, me thinks.

Don't pollute.

Okay, but what is the worst thing you've ever put in your mouth?

Okay, I can't spell in English or American English.

Agreed. I try to work it into all my conversations. That and 'labyrinth'.

The 3rd thing Americans know about England…
isn't that they like wierd flavored potato chips/crisps. It's that they drive on the wrong side of the road. Next would be bad teeth, followed by excessive politeness/emphasis on grammer, wierd spelling of common words, and inbreeding by the royal family.

Don't call me chum, buddy.

Very likely, he wrote a directed a couple, I think. I know he wrote the alien/baseball one (too lazy to Google the specifics right now).