Well, when you're a celebrity you can do anything you want to your quartet. Anything. Grab their violas, anything.

I can't watch the debates. The next morning I cautiously approach the internet for recaps and analysis. I start on The Guardian, because I know that even if Clinton vomited, said she thinks aborted fetuses should be sold for parts on Amazon and then cackled that No One Can Stop Her! they'd declare her the winner.

"So, I basically have one question about The Postman, but it comes in 38 parts…"

It's a perfect example of how it isn't a question of what story you tell, but how you tell it, so in that sense I think you can stand by your statement. "Guys find something valuable and promise to keep it quiet, but you know it's all going to go to hell on them." There's no shortage of movies that do the same plot,…

But the episode contains potassium benzoate.

I think the problem MAY have been a payout that was in danger of being crushed by a bloody dwarf!!

"The network has ordered a game-show based on the time-killing comments section."

"Oh jeez, I'm running late. I'll just get coffee later, okay… hey, the car isn't starting!" *checks dash* "'Engine is auto-updating'?! 'Engine now requires premium gas'??!!"

"The story of a boy, a girl, and a universe! And Bigfoot… also Bigfoot."

"Dylan's about to go electric chair on your ass, Bob!!" **throws chair at Geldof**

Then they both totally lost their shit backstage and got in a huge fistfight.

Hm, I don't remember that line.

I loved him at first on Parks & Rec. Then not as much as I realized that was the whole bit.

I hear you're a pretty good commenter. Do you think you could you do a… firstie… thingy… on this newswire?

I'll fix it!

"Stay away from my son!"

That scene will have me laughing until I'm out of breath every time.

He is the walrass. Goo-goo-ga-eeww.

In college, some friends and I were traveling by boat from England to Amsterdam. We got some cuban cigars and smoked them staring out at the north sea.

And hairspray! Let's not gloss over how bad hairspray is now because of the dumb, pointless CFC ban.