Hey, a friend of mine was one of those soldiers! We get along great as long as we talk about politics for no more than 30 seconds.

Omitted: "I mean, I never really knew my grandfather, and I heard when he wasn't at work as a union-buster he was canvassing to keep blacks out of his neighborhood, but still it's your family, right? I mean, it's still sad."

"I had her programmed to giggle appreciatively when I body-shame her. See, I'm doing a lot for women's rights."

"Let's bee co-stars!"

Upvoted for the comment, with an extra dash of upvote for the great username.

What a Faustian bargain.

They wear Nirvana shirts. Some of them even know it was a band!

In Keith Richards' autobiography there's a nice, strangely reassuring part where he talks about people saying they should stop playing, and how sick they must be of the music, and it's not like they need the money. And his response is that he'll stop when people stop coming or he dies because he just loves it. He has…

**weeps**

Arguably in the top 20 Onion headlines of all time.

Chelsea is always an awkward teenager to me, so when I hear anything about her being an adult there's a beat where I try to figure out why a 15-year-old is head of the Clinton Foundation, or am shocked that she's had a child.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Ha ha ha!! Oh man, that guy…! Where does he come UP with this stuff??!!

Man, the comments section is getting Notorious for pun threads.

That's the first one I thought of.

That's only reasonable.

Skeetlebunk Slapdewhack.

CAN YOU HANDLE THE UNBRIDLED CARNAGE OF THE EULOGY??

Alasca.

She's good at saying what we're all thinking, eh? Well, what's her take on pants? Love them or hate them?

God, aren't they? I read Navel gazing this summer wanting something light and it was, but it was also smart and funny and introspectively honest.