I grew up in Oregon, so we had to learn about it CONSTANTLY in grade school. Then as an adult, I was in Philadelphia and decided to go the Mutter Museum of medical anomalies (y'know… like you do when you're in Philadelphia…), and there was an exhibit of the medical conditions experienced on the trail.

I thought sociopaths drank Genaro. But what do I know? I'm a bear! I suck the heads off fish!

He's the duke of New York! a-number-1! The big man!

His ultimate endorsement of a product should always be some variation of: "Once got an Asian chick to sit in it."

That's why Ben Franklin created our first library. He was all, "Ugh, these books all full of words 'n shit. Hate them. Let's build a thing - you know, one of those thing with walls and stuff? - and put all the books in it."

Also my travel guide to Asia, Ultimate Eastmaster

"Don't be too proud of this pilates-honed posterior you've constructed. The ability to do lunges is no match for the power of the butt-force."

Irwin Mainway? Maker of horrible kids' toys is great every time.

"I don't see what everyone's getting so bent out of shape about. It's just bum and hookers."

Paul Feig thinks 'Boaty McBoatface' was idiotic and people should grow the fuck up

We really may, in fact, be through the looking glass here, people.

It's all that bad.

Rephrase: This is all about you not being who something negative is all about.

Traditional, but with the funny turned down about 75%.

That is such a perfect encapsulation of committee thinking. The subject is different (and pay scale), but with a few variations, that's every staff meeting I've ever been to.

That's why Elvis Costello won't go there

He would see articles
About reunions
On websites
And on Facebook

What this article presupposes is, they're not.

Ha ha ha! Oh man, Gentle Herpes is sayin' what we're all thinkin'!

"Hey! Stormtrooper?! You ever wanted to own some land?"