If I had to put urine in my mouth, I guess I'd choose my own over someone else's. Y'know, how your own farts don't revolt you? Same principle, I think.

[faints dead away]

Someone's gotta build those pyramids for our strategic grain reserve!

How much fuck the whole Trump?

Scott Walker touts his Eagle Scout badge as the equivalent of the college degree he doesn't have.

Well…I'm not saying he didn't deserve it, but let's be frank: he didn't earn it. He imposed that title on himself.

"Mitch McConnell! What can I say about the state if your party that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan?"

"Whose terrier farted?"?

What a preposterous measurement! They'll be 3'10" off the ground in five years.

Yeah, the problem is that the #NeverTrump crowd withered and cozied up to the very man they said was unacceptable under any circumstances. The other problem is that the only person who held out on the #NeverTrump thing was Ted fucking Cruz, who is a whole other kind of awful. And the REALLYA big problem with all of…

What really matters is how those Perot voters were split in certain states rich in electoral votes. I can't remember the 1992 electoral map, so I don't know what conservative states besides Arkansas Clin-Ton peeled off; but I'll bet in those states, the Perot voters were most Bush's losses.

"This is supposed to be a pop culture site. Can't they go five minutes without posting an article about Trump?" — some tedious, whiny drag on society

The anti-Obama stuff was so insane that I actually heard people complaining that he spent the entire month of February parasailing and eating ice cream and basically relaxing like he hasn't been able to do in eight fucking years. There were people saying shit like, "he shouldn't do that while the rest of us are stuck…

Could Trump actually do some major good after all? Sessions is out of the Senate, and he may soon be out of the federal government altogether!

Sounds like Trump University.

Eh, I think most of his followers are dumbfounded by the child proofing on disposable lighters.

"Well, y'see, we get scared. When people are getting killed, it's not really appropriate to engage in such frivolities as civil rights this and constitutionality that."

The Cavs bandwagon took them all. (Still, no fans are as bandwagony as Seahawks fans.)

The ghost of Pete Seeger carrying an axe looks in vain for cables to slice, foiled by the wireless environment of a thoroughly modern Scandinavian society.

I still can't believe they gave a Nobel Prize to a man wearing a pencil-thin mustache.