"There are a lot of killers. You think our country's so innocent?" — someone I heard somewhere…I can't remember exactly who…

"Daddy, I like it better when you're at work and I'm here at home without you."

The sun never sets on the Angry Old White Men's Empire.

"Hey, white men are only 35% of the American population — let' make this happen!" — suddenly eager movie executives

Someone is going to object to "bag" being part of that.

"Have you ever noticed that kids get into homosexuality and veganism at around the same time? There's something wrong going on at our colleges. I don't like them filling our kids' minds with all sorts of new ideas!" — drunk uncle

They had to cut before the orgy. They wanted that PG-13 rating, after all.

I disagree. When Rey got captured by Kylo Ren, Finn got pretty rampagey and seemed single-minded in his attempt to rescue her. I think some people prefer the thought of Finn being gay to the thought of Finn and Rey gettin' it on.

The last 9-12 months have seen the fortunes at Fox News-Flavored Product turn dramatically. At this rate, they might not be the powerful ally for Republicans in 2018 they have been for almost 20 years.

This really is the best solution. Just remove the nuclear weapons from that area first. We cannot tolerate a nuclear-armed Trumpistan.

"You got long balls, Larry."

That Jabba throne was never meant to be the Rancor put. It was always an accurate representation of how Jabba voided his bowels, since he permanently sat atop a toilet.

Once we had the Phantom Menace to lower our standards, the Ewoks rose in many people's estimation. In retrospecticus, they are better than everything in the prequels, except for the light saber battle with Darth Maul.

I can't believe I've never encountered this speculation before! I love it!

New swire.

Those cracks run deep for the entire country.

But the past four months have proven that he doesn't actually deal with shit — well, the important, presidential shit, anyway. He concentrates exclusively on ridiculous celebrity-culture shit like Colbert's ratings allegedly only being good when he (Trump) was on the show or the size of his inauguration crowd. Trump…

I've only watched the first of these movies, and it was criminally boring. Seriously, a movie with several (fairly good) sword fights, ships blasting each other to smithereens, and Depp and Geoffry Rush chewing the scenery has no business being so goddamned dull.

NPR has a website! I'm sure they are available through your phone's news app.

And dumb. They're talking haircuts.