All I can imagine is his face jerking around at impossible angles like Saddam Hussein on South Park.

I figure walruses (walri?) hate mustaches because they consider them insensitive cultural appropriation.

I have recently had dealings with an attorney with one of those chin-cabbage things going on. Seriously, a goddamned member of the bar!

I couldn't remember what beer it was!

I thought this was going to be about the Genesis song, which I think is "Tonight, Tonight, Tonight," and was featured in a prominent beer commercial in the late-1980s. I don't remember which beer, though.

Ate you kidding? ¡Jeb! was Trump's favorite whipping boy in the primaries. Trump was (hilariously) merciless in his attacks on ¡Jeb! If this tape is the thing that sinks Trump for good, it will mean that a Bush had a hand in bringing that about. As vengeful as those Bushes are, I'd figure they would hail Billy for…

Summer is for rum and gin, fall is for whisk(e)y and brandy.

If I'm particularly happy while I'm putting a snack together, I say "gravel 'n' grubs, gravel 'n' grubs" in my best sing-songy Chicken Lady voice.

I've always loved Kevin best. He cracks me so consistently up by playing jittery characters who are just barely keeping their shit together. The humor comes from the tension and suspense: "when is this guy going to fall apart, and how big will the mess be?"

I tend to notice this especially in British shows. The laugh track often just seems random — to the point that I suspect the director of sabotaging the show.

How about when Kramer and Newman were making sausages in Jerry's apartment?

It was a strange journey.

I thought that was more like his farewell to the public world. He probably still goes out wearing dark glasses and a wig. He didn't just go nutz on that stage that night; he broke something in himself. He was clearly still in pain about what he had done. I felt really bad for him — like, he should move to a South…

For me, it's being born from the couch. Greased, nude DeVito is…unforgettable.

I wrote a big college paper on that scene. I even worked in Irish vs. Italian rivalry, conflicting attitudes about assimilation, and how the El train's brakes play a crucial supporting role. It's the scene everything hinges on. I think Michael goes in truly believing he can still cut a deal with Sollozzo.

At this point, I go the other way and think that the very restrained Michael Corleone was downing enough barbiturates to kill a horse.

Well, that description makes those fruit-flavored chips sound more like Froot Loops or similar sweet cereals. If that's the case, then they wouldn't be so bad.

Never go full-mayostard.

Diabetes, that's what!

UIC had the only university library I've ever seen that had a policy that you had to have a student ID to get in the building.