I'm imagining Speedy Gonzales asking that as he gazes forlornly out the window on a grey, rainy day.

Other three-word phrases conservatives can't bring themselves to utter:

Who the fuck calls anything at McDonald's an "entree"?

Is that from Hamilton?

My understanding is that it's a bottle or can deposit, not a tax. But swap those words, and I think you're right. You pay a 5-cent deposit in, say, California, take a road trip to the Upper Peninsula, and try to return your empties for that 10-cent Michigan deposit — I see the unfairness there. I just don't think it's…

I wonder how many takes it took for Jerry to do that line right.

Some, I assume, are good people…

They have a proprietary process. Your DIY project just fucks things up for them.

You narcked on StitchFace? That makes you SnitchFace. [flicks open SwitchBlade]

It's more properly rendered as: ¡JEB!

Surely American Indians aren't the only ones who can be offended by the use of an unambiguous racial slur as a team name. Surely white people can call out other white people (in this case, the owners of the Washington NFL team) for terrible behavior. Are white people out-of-bounds when they get offended at Tea Party…

The typeface needs to be easier to decipher. I'm not a fucking archaeologist — crank down the whimsy on that font by 25%.

So, technically, all of YOU are living food items…if I were hungry enough.

Yeah, militant hatred of it is inconceivable to me, except maybe in the sense of it insulting the original — but that's basically like religious objections to blasphemy; as great as I think the 1984 Ghostbusters is, it isn't religion. Anyway, this remake is entertaining and pleasant enough, but precisely because it…

That's why making up Sumerian shit is no problem — there aren't any ancient Sumerians around today to complain.

Against my own instincts, I went to see Ghostbusters because a dearly beloved 5-year-old was dying to see it. This movie has no artistic reason to exist. It is no improvement on the 1984 original, even as it hits many of the same points as the original (but without the made-up Sumerian mythology — so it even lacks…

When I saw the name, I was aware that at one time, I knew who this was. Kind of like how I know that calculus involves differential equations and that 25 years ago, I knew how to do them (sort of). The article helped me remember who Jon Gosselin was. How come I can never so easily remember how to do calculus?!?!

Especially since Trump has peeled away and discarded so many layers of traditional (i.e., Reaganite) Republican economic, trade, and foreign policy platform planks, leaving racial and ethnic hatred, sexism, and general hostility to civility as the motivating forces of his campaign.

Why? Have the deeply repressed sexual deviants stayed away en masse this time around for some reason? I mean, it's a Republican convention! Behind the scenes at those is always a glimpse into the particularly perverted corners of a Hiernomous Bosch painting.

"Fuck it — we'll do it live!"