Off the rim?

Dave once had Martin Scorsese's mother on for a cooking segment, and I always wanted her to team up with Dave's mother for on-location bits.

Don't real-life teachers get fired for moonlighting as exotic dancers?

Jews can be involved in Christmas miracles. There's a whole religion based on that.

Damn, Natalie Portman even brings out the best in Daily Mail commenters. It's a Christmas miracle!

Let's organize a Kickstarter for our friend @shit_rat, here!

There was way more dignity in Bela's wrasslin' match with the fake octopus, because it involved dedication to craft and professionalism.

If there's anything snakes have, it's sypathetic, soulful eyes.

Eh, it's more para-entertainment. I feel bad that the Internet age has reduced your experiences to merely reading about thing that almost happened.

I've really got a craving for turducken now…

To be fair, on more than one occasion I have had a quart or 40-ouncer of malt liquor on hand purely as decoration.

What do we get out of existing?

Canadians: what Americans would be like if we were nice people.

And more throat-clearing sounds.

Poor blind old Bono.

Poor old blind Bono.

We went our separate ways after Atomic Bomb. I'll always love their pre-Pop stuff, but that unforgettable fire they once had is long out. Bono has been phoning in lyrics for almost 20 years now.

Couldn't they have found a man for this?

Does the Prince-y know
When his Twitter account is closed
That everybody still wants to pry?

To say nothing of Greta Garbo, Dietrich, Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean, Grace Kelly, Harlow (Jean), Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rodgers, Rita Hayworth, Lauren, Katherine, Lana too, Bette Davis.