I've found my sin-a-day calendar really helpful in not repeating myself. I like to keep my heathen ways fresh, and without that calendar, I'd really be in a rut. I never would have remembered mixing fibers in my textiles on my own.

I don't think they're real keen on the beatin'.

What about acting like her father was Ravi Shankar?

[slaps forehead]

"Browning of America" sounds like something that would come out of the mind of a drunk person who was carelessly thinking apocalyptic stuff about the effects of global warming while also trying to get the turkey looking just perfect.

No matter how excellent its veterinary care was, any puppy alive in 1982 is long dead now.

Speaking of people accused of sexual assault, I bet that FSU shooting becomes a convenient excuse to postpone Jameis Winston's school-code misconduct hearing yet again beyond the end of football season (when he's about 145% likely to leave for the NFL, anyway).

Well, if something happens that damages the accusers' credibility, then their position could erode over time and it could re-establish itself as a he-said-she-said thing in the public consciousness. People can come back in show business. But that all takes time. Bill Cosby doesn't have that kind of time. He's 77. …

The Kodak people are, for once, wiping their brows and saying, "Whew. Thank God we went broke!"

When he was running for governator, there were accusations that he participated in what kinda-sorta sounded like it coulda been a gang rape of a woman in his bodybuilding days.

For the really quality blame-the-victim stuff, you have to watch CNN in prime time.

In that case, fucking cats are to birds and mice as Michael Vick was to dogs.

"Rudy, your crotch is like Steve McQueen in The Great Escape."

Will you be listening to “Motherfucker,” Faith No More’s first single in 17 years, now, Millennial Historian?

A ja! (That's "me, too!" in Czech and Slovak, so I assume Polish is similar.)

My favorite bit of information about either of these guys is that Danny Pudi speaks fluent Polish.

Poor, blind ol' Bono.

"Emergency room visits" FTW! Because some people are never too old to try flying by jumping off the roof in their superhero outfit.

[pulls inelastic waist band of Enquido's underwear up over the back of his head]

I will never apologize for deeply loving the act of walking around the Country Club Plaza in Kansas City at Christmas time, when it's snowing, at twilight. It's full-on Yuletide wonder that's enough to fill even this Scrooge-y malcontent with good cheer.