Major laffs, here! I don't generally like such jokes, but enjoy some now and again in private, when I know no one is around!

Hey, I do have a degree in English Lit., and I have the same experience! I would say that Emily Dickinson really pretty much sucks, but I never do, because I know that she never intended for those poems to be seen by anyone outside her family or close friends. They only got published after she was dead. So it's not…

"Though it’s also possible that with 'disasters on Broadway,' Gifford was referring to her walks home from work."

Oh, you don't have to apologize…

I should have noted that I don't know if he is particularly funny in this movie, since it seems it could be a drama as much as it's a comedy. All I meant was that Moran needs as much exposure as possible, so that people will seek out his comedy and he will be in much greater demand, and thus he will be in more TV…

I couldn't tell if it was a Freudian slip or an attempt at a mean-spirited joke when he said this practice would "be spreading across the entire fruited plain."

Celery and water for you.

After eating a meal like this, you will be bottomless in the sense that you have to use a colostomy bag for the rest of your life.

"I don't know you! That's my purse!" [kicks @avclub-b61efb5850c7864d8e702b74de52dfa4:disqus right in the nuts]

I thought those fries were just giving me the finger. You know, like they were saying, "Hah, you don't have a Red Robin in your town, so you can't eat us. Fuck you, Millennial Historian!"

Apparently some Burger King locations in Frisco were wrapping burgers in rainbow paper for a gay pride celebration, and some on the Christian Right went predictably ape-shit:

"Has any one supposed it lucky to be born?
I hasten to inform him or her it is just as lucky to die, and luckier still to die at a young age from chronic diseases brought on by obesity.
I pass death with the dying and birth with the new-wash'dbabe, and am not contain'd between my hat and boots,
nor even within my…

I love how he was credited as "The Impressive Clergyman."

I honestly think that the Church should be much more active in recruiting widowers* as priests. It wouldn't help the greying of the profession, but it might bring some very-much-needed realism and flexibility to their ranks, since these men would have been married once (they could give marital advice with much more…

"Is there no place for the man with the 105 IQ?"

To be fair, though, I'm sure if you asked most Catholics, they'd say that what they participate in with Communion is merely symbolic, too. They'd be wrong, but I bet that's what they'd say.

Surely there is no Wisdom in them.

When I was 12, I went to a family reunion in Arkansas. My father's family there are all Baptists, and I guess they tend to "get saved" around the age of puberty. So my brother and I were talking with some kind of distant cousins out on a playground. These boys were younger than me, about 8 or 9, but clearly eager…

"their lips locked together like two erotic LEGOs."

One of George Carlin's maxims: there is no laughter quite so sweet as stifled laughter. He used kneeling in front of an open casket as a great example, but trying not to laugh at mockery of a priest during the sacrament of matrimony is probably even better.