I've been saying for a while now that they need to add fucking zombies to the Planet of the Apes. Humans and apes fighting each other, then a bunch of dead humans and dead apes rise from the grave, attacking each other and the living humans and apes. It could start as a four-way battle-royal, but then alliances…

The scene where Montablan leaves Caesar in the stairwell, ostensibly for his own safety, and Caesar gives a little whimper was seriously gut-wrenching, even though it looked as cheap and clearly set-like as the staircase in The Towering Inferno (hell, it may have been the same set, for all I know).

I thought it might have been during his Forbidden Zone sojourn in Beneath. God I hated that second movie.

I only remember fictitious history.

In my meta-happy mind, I like to think that the conciliatory theatrical cut of Conquest was done by time-traveling apes from the future, in an attempt to soften their image and cover up their brutal role in enslaving humanity.

"You're asking me to risk imprisonment for the sake of two fugitive apes? The answer is: a thousand times, yes." This should be more widely remembered as one of the most enjoyably ludicrous statements ever uttered in film.

I recently read that gasoline actually goes bad after a while, and won't power a car as effectively in its weakened state. That left me so disappointed about what I would do to entertain myself in a post-apocalyptic scenario. Because driving at high speeds the wrong way down deserted city streets was high on my list…

Here's how the series might go forward:

I was so surprisingly affected by the first one that by the end, I was rooting for the apes. I guess I'm a turncoat, and can't be trusted by my fellow humans, and will never be completely accepted by my simian cousins. But damned if my heart didn't break for Caesar during his captivity.

Battle looks like complete and utter shit. Seriously, I watched short films made by friends of mine in high school that had better production values than that movie.

I think the altered timeline is explicitly laid out in Escape, too, by that scientist who explains parallel universes as analogous to changing lanes on a freeway.

He grew up in the Ozarks, did he?

By the fifth movie, Caesar had instituted a rigorous and successful educational system. And even in 4, the apes were smart enough, after years and years of training, to act first as domesticated pets for people (pets that didn't, for example, rip people's faces and genitals off) and later as janitorial and…

I vote for reboot. The first series was good enough (if you forget the second one — ugh), but doesn't really need to be retold. The world is different nearly 50 years after the 1968 classic, so we should expect a new telling of the whole story.

Jokes like that are offensive and corrosive to our society, because just serve to propagape "ape culture."

"Ape no kill ape — but if ape die naturally, no sense letting good meat go to waste; ape then eat ape."

I assume you're not going to complain about spoilers…

The titles of the movies have always been their weakest point, since they don't give you much help in distinguishing one installment from another.

And the end of Battle left open the possibility that even that series wouldn't end up at the same "beginning" point we saw in the 1968 film, since Escape made it pretty clear that Zira, Cornelius, and Sal Mineo had jumped into a parallel universe when they escaped. Whether that and the two subsequent movies are in…

That's not Sean, it's Corey Feldman.