"You just masturbated to 'Electra Woman & Dyna Girl,' so Netflix suggests you might enjoy the 'Complete Days of Our Lives' — anticipated download time is 15,839,182 minutes"

Even the Norovirus won't ride on this boat. They'd get more bookings renaming it the Carnival Titanic and promising six fun-filled days using the buffet to taunt Somali pirates

Right now Jet Jaguar is staring intently at a silent rotary phone, willing it to ring, knowing the residuals for his stand-in work for DaFoe on the Spider-Man movie won't last forever.

If the man says he's spending his time bitterly masturbating to the Harvey Korman sequences of the Holiday Special, one has to respect his space.

Everyone will be relieved it's finally legal to masturbate to the girl from the first album?

He hasn't been the same since he learned that God designed the banana to fit perfectly in the pooper, too.

I was hoping they'd go back so far the Terminator would have been OJ

The entire film is a nearly wordless character piece featuring a Hong Kong tea merchant contemplating the remains of his shattered life after the kaiju vs. jaeger free-for-all left his wife and child missing and his shop destroyed.
The end of the film, of course, is the tea merchant's suicide. The post-credit sequence…

Yet Adrian Zmed walks a free man, going to his closing shift at Del Taco with impunity

It was too early for product placement or I'm sure the leads would have wantonly been slathering Chiffon Margarine on everything

Looks like it's back to that Wendy O. Williams biopic for the Hallmark Channel

That theme song is so 70's my speakers now have shag carpeting on them

Even 7-year-old Master Coffee Nerves who loved KISS more than Superfriends, baseball and Uncle Roy's Whiskey Pass Out Nights combined would have looked at that performance and said "Um, yeah, I think I'll give this 'Menudo' a try instead."

That was Gopher? I am flabbergasted. Now I need to hit the Lido Deck to find out if Bert Convy ever realizes Charo's crazy side IS what he loves about her

I make the people who work for me watch The Star Wars Holiday Special (I provide the booze)

SPOILER: That's Jar-Jar in the Sith robe

Slayer's "Seasons in the Abyss" for the New York Jets

It ends with Andy Dwyer waking up next to April, shaking her awake and yelling "I JUST HAD THE COOLEST DREAM!!" except April is Edgar Rice Burroughs.

I heard they've got the Budweiser "Whazzup" guys and Ray Jay Johnson attached to star.

This makes Quark look like something I still occasionally masturbate to.