But the strangest thing is now I'm all attracted to Santa.

MILLER: He did more ball staring than a dwarf capsarii slave at the Baths of Caracalla!

My friends and I all agree that that guy is the scariest for both (uh, all four) of his lines. Truly Goodfella's Boba Fett.

I think he projects a certain rug-ged masculinity!

I'm always on the look-out for the future ex-Mrs. Matter

*Gets mocked by Gregg Popovich in his honor*

*All us back up dancers jump in sayin' "Na na na…"*
Na—oh great. Thanks a lot, now we all look like assholes.

We can offer you discussing every male celebrity's fuckability, but that's the best we can do.

So…screw you, Dolly Parton? That what you're getting at?

You could also be a more withdrawn, singer-songwriter who isn't that much of a celebrity. But maybe it was too late and those Fugee/Miseducation records put her into the spotlight too firmly.

I thought she was sort of a throw-back, weird choice anyway. She was that year's Aerosmith (unless Aerosmith was playing the same show…You know what? Even if they were, Janet Jackson was more Aerosmith than them…)

*Spike Lee angrily tears up a picture of Randy Newman*

Proof that radio never really learns the right lesson.

21 Grams of Treacle

I imagine going to the Pacific Islands for Moana WAS a lot better than visiting war-torn Agrabah.

They think it's properly patriarchal and full of meek, compliant women? And video games.

So you're saying when I get hammered at the Contrairess's family Christmas party I'm striking a blow AGAINST materialism? I'm recovering the reason for the season!?

Most people do. In fact most people need to learn through the eyes of other people they don't even despise yet. Really if they could just consider other people being people like themselves every now and then, it'd be a big improvement.

"When I was a little girl in Panama, a rich American came to our town and he was wearing the softest most beautiful sweater. I said to him, "what do you call this most beautiful fabric?", and he said "they call it cashmere dalmatian". I repeated the words "cashmere, cashmere dalmatian, dalmatian". I asked if I could…

Head over foot over foot over foot over foot etc.