I know you're not the real Dan Savage, but I would really, really love to be proven wrong.

Absolutely. A little forwardness and a level head aren't the worst things. You no longer feel like your only chance of happiness is having this particular date work out.

I'm at the point where the prospect of sleeping with an eighteen year old practically feels like pedophilia. Hell, the twentysomethings at work (while very nice women) already feel like a different species.

When I was on OK Cupid, I put my range at 30-50 (figured that was a decent-sized net without seeming creepy.) That said, the woman I eventually met and married is 44 (I'm 40) and I have to say, it rocks. Everything Louis CK said about dating being better at that point was totally right.

The whole shaven-down-there thing is creepy as shit IMHO. Adults have pubic hair, dammit.

On my list for this summer:

I have a wife, child, parents, siblings, and friends who seem to like me. I've been told I'm a nice person.

Yeah, but Morrissey is too old-school glamor for something as plebian as fundraising. He needs powerful people in high places to fawn over him.

Those digital downloads and limited edition t-shirts you savor are murder…

You're not an asshole, Walter. You're just trying so hard to be.

Me too. Just ordered the tickets for me and my family to go on Saturday. Nothing else until then.

No, a B- means that A.A. Dowd still plans on leveling Marvel Studios and salting the earth where it stood.

What's that? No, I certainly didn't spend the summer of 1997 fapping to the video for "Torn" and to Fiona Apple's "Criminal." Not even. Now just get that silly thought out of your head…

No Built to Spill Smile Time Variety Hour? But I want candy…

I don't get to use the phrase "This makes Mike Love look dignified in comparison" very often, but this is clearly the place to unpack it…

Liev Schreiber was hysterical in The Ten. He does deadpan very well.

She was great on Extras. Excellent timing.

*huffs* Well…

"A blister factor of twelve" will make me laugh forever.

1997: "What's a Columbine?"