The Cowboys From Hell With The Thorn In Their Sides.

Ya know I like this show a lot better back when it was hosted by Kurt Braunohler and called Bunk.

If you can cover those blisters in diarrhea, Axe body spray and expired eggnog, we have a deal.

Lower.

They don't even deserve balls to suck on. I'm afraid you'll need to pick something lower.

Somewhere Billy Ray Cyrus' mullet is turning over in its wig grave.

Everything about this whole story Makes Me Wanna Holler.

"We're gonna need a bigger drive!"

What's the team's mascot gonna be?  My bet's on either a guy dressed up as Catman or a giant anthropomorphic platform boot named Booty.

By "an updated form of the old rural sitcom", you of course mean its basically "the hillbilly Kardashians", jes?

Looks like Peter Hook needs rent money again.

"Sp-sp-sp-sp-spys you say? Well, I'm terribly sorry, but I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about." *mini gun falls out of Hugh's jacket and into his cup of tea as his lower lip begins quivering.

Nick Cannon and rich d-bags talking about their gold leaf toilet paper and diamond encrusted pinking shears? The only thing that could make this less pleasant to watch would be if they blasted the the sound of an air horn every minute during the broadcast.

Gotta get up, gotta get out, gotta get home and pre-order this later tonight.

Nope. "mehhh" is the name of their next indie feature. Its the tale of an internet commenter who struggles with the pressures of living in a house full of sassy cockatiels, his widowed uncle and the ghost of the actor who played the ghost on "The Ghost And Mrs. Muir" while also maintaining a robust presence on 10…

So kopi luwak coffee is the new "I only listen to music on vinyl"?

Great. This is gonna eat into any potential funds I was hoping to raise for a documentary about Shane MacGowan's lost toothbrush.

Liquor In The Front, Deep-Seated Resentment & Barely Masked Depression In The Back.

That tree's drunk. It's been drinking fermented sap and listening to David Allan Coe records all morning.

Anyone who's ridden in a cramped tour van on a 10-day swing through the South West with Chuck Dukowski can attest to this. The man likes his beans is what I'm saying.