I saw them in Chicago on New Year's Eve in 1994 when they were best known for "She Don't Use Jelly."

SNL Alums
Ranking most deserving SNL alums for recognition:
1. Eddie Murphy
2. Chevy Chase: (also impacted politics w/ Ford skits)
3. Will Ferrell (bonus for "Funny of Die" impact).
4. Bill Murray
5. Dan Akroyd
6. Adam Sandler
7. Dennis Miller
8. Mike Meyers
9. Dana Carvey
10. Martin Short
If deceased are also eligble,…

Vote for Me
I'm trying to get elected as a Congressman on a pro-pyromania ticket. My campaign promise and these song is obviously "Burning Down the House [of Representatives]"

Wondering
If she was my grandmother, would I be a Quarter Pounder?

Where's Dr. Frank-n-furter when you need him? He was a sweet transvestite.
[throws toliet paper]

I like Paul Rubenesque girls. Something about the red bow tie and white platform loafers.

Merle Haggard, eh. Best thing about Bakersfield is inspiring Buck Owens-

And Yet
Keith Richards continues to thrive.

Betty White for the next Bond girl?

Ditto Coke is no good, stay with Coke Classic.

Let's settle this
With a cage match—Paul Hogan v. Robin Williams. Two men enter the ring, only one walks out.

I think audiences are waiting for 3-D nudity.

1970—I turn 40 in a few months.
I-pods make me old, because when I was a teen, I had a Sony Walkman that needed 8 AA batteries to play a cassette. 1st tape purchased with my own money for said Walkman—The Police's Synchronicity.

It's Kanye's Fault
Something snapped in Meyer's brain being on live television when Kanye announced Bush hates black people.

Wimpy was by far
Popeye's best sidekick. don't understand why his childhood should be a film.

Hombre' Secretato

All I wanted was a Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me.

True story- Years ago, I went in to my local Blockbuster looking for "Dr. Strangelove" and was told by the clerk, "We don't carry those kind of movies."

I love Ludachristmas, but feel sorry for the Jewish kids who get eight nights of Chaka Khanakuah.

Too much pressure for a Monday…
I open the story, see "0 reasonable discussions) and my heart races trying to think of a possible first, then I know I've spent too much time on it and wasted my shot.