You misspelled "iPads".

GET OFF DIABEETUS' LAWN WITH YOUR GODDAMN SOFT "G".

Diabeetus watched The Ring once. ONCE.

"Take It Easy" from Astro Coast is a legit great song. Diabeetus' has decided that cancer can fuck right off.

CLUE

Diabeetus didn't realize Alannah Myles wrote songs for TV.

…saurkraut

Nine Inch Nails - Broken | Tracks 98 and 99, a cover of Adam Ant's "Physical" and Pigface's "Suck", respectively. Not original works (although Reznor is credited as a co-writer of "Suck") but fucking awesome just the same.

This sticks in Diabeetus' craw.

Mother. Fuckin'. Herculoids.

Wait, the golden retriever from Full House is dead?!?

Nope. Don't wanna.

The ravages of Diabeetus on a penis.

Don't nobody go to the bathroom for 35 to 45 minutes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're saying that you, a person who goes by the usernname "Velocirapstar" on a pop culture website, is NOT a doctor? Fuck you, Internet. Diabeetus doesn't like untruths.

YOU'RE cheaper than a dinner date.

AV Club Commenters: We're smug as shit until someone dumps on things we care about; then we're smugly offended.

Life goes on, you guys. La la la la life goes on.

Classic dome.

"Hey gang! I'm Larry King?"