*to the unnamed South American mercenary now impaled by a machete and stuck to a tent pole*

Don't feed it and for God's sake, don't bring it home.
You'll never be able to afford its Creatine and anal wax habit.

Diabeetus doesn't believe in Eskimos.

WHAT?!? Diabeetus can't hear you over all the Martial Law in America.

Sweet.
And now comes the diabetic coma for Diabeetus.

*gives Fozzy Bear a gun*
Don't be afraid, Fozzy. They deserve what they get.

Bill O'Reilly: Kinda Gay?

Reddit applauds your co-option of its meme.

Demi Moore looked great in Striptease.
What's that? Striptease came out 14 years ago? Goo.

God, they'll just let retards do ANYTHING nowadays.
Somebody give Diabeetus a hammer.

No, Diabeetus means the Nissan Stanza.

To the Boob-Drawing Mobile!
Posthaste!

Remember: Money doesn't buy happiness
But it will buy the fuck out of a $1000/hour hooker in Vegas, amirite fellas?!?
Huh?
Huh?

So this officially makes S1MONE the most prescient film ever right? And therefore good?

*missin' you!* SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE!

BABIES TAKE STINKY SHITS. PEOPLE WHO ARE RETARDED LOSE BABIES. HILARIOUS, SEZ AMERICA.

YOUR TAINT SHALL BE AVENGED!

AND THIS IS WHY JESUS IS DEAD.
Diabeetus is just sayin'.

You know what would really be a cool ad for Converse?
Show someone playing basketball in some muthafuckin' Chuck Taylors.

Yer gonna hafta upend the wagon and float across. Be sure to shoot enuff Buffalo before ye cross tho.