But who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?
Not the goddamn Senate, apparently.

The room full of monkeys that are smoking and writing these headlines are fantastic.
Raise their pay, AV Club.

Who cries at this fucking song: Elton John, "Candle In The Wind"?

BRING BACK JABBERJAW.
HANNA-BARBERA ARE NOT BUSY.

Oh Ape. You and your monkey-shines.

Much like Colbert, Diabeetus finds the humor in small things.
For instance, the members of Congress on this committee have the testicular fortitude of gnats (which are small). Also, these mooks must have the tiniest penises around, amirite ladies? Ha. Yeah, I'm right.

THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH LOVE ICH CAN GIVE. ~ UWE BOLL

Diabeetus wishes more things were serendipitous.
But not that goddamn rom-com "Serendipity". Perfectly good waste of Kate Beckinsale's hiny.

SO crazy. Back a brotha up, Internets.

As long as there's angst
and the kid looks like the descriptions of Charles Wallace from "A Wrinkle in Time", Diabeetus has no reasonable objections.

Could they be possibly investigate fraud at a pie-eating contest?

Going down on a man in a scuzzy New York movie theater?

ZELJKO IVANEK SMASH!!!
LEND GRAVITY AND UNDERSTATED CHARISMA TO TERRIBLE ENSEMBLE FLUFF PIECE! RAWWRRRR!!!!

You'll shoot your eye out.

David Keith: Poor Man's Patrick Swayze?
Discuss.

Nobody likes a reach around more than Adam Lambert
The jizz-riddled man-whore on 8th Avenue sez so.

Apparently you are unfamiliar with CSI:MIAMI and all the suck that is David Caruso.

*slaps forehead*
*laments not videotaping single-night performance of Diabeetus' one-man show "Good Christian Bitches und Diabeetus MACHT SCHNELL!!!" at the Tratorium last year*

Can Diabeetus pay in insulin?
Cuz he's got shitloads of that.

Paradise Lost Script Treatment, Take 1
Int.
Enter - Ninja