Couldn't it have just been a really ugly dog?
Just sayin'.

Didi Mao!
Or whatever that was.

As long as Foghorn Leghorn is a racist, Southern stereotype and Speedy Gonzalez is around to offend everybody, this will be a hit.

Ladies be doin' things.
In Italy. While celibate. With the praying.

Spontaneous Testicle Growth
There's so much testosterone oozing out of this movie that ladies will literally grow testicles while in the theater.

Vincent Cartheiser should play The Flash. Bitch-face at 200 mph would be so awesome.

If Diabeetus ever watched Weeds, he would probably get the significance of that goddamn croquet mallet but Diabeetus can't afford Showtime. Or Fiddle Faddle.

Jesus just hates shit like this.
And He hates Kazakhstan.

TANK JONES WILL KILL YOU ALL.

Why must Nora Ephron write things?
It seems like directing for the lowest common denominator is more her thing.

Fine, Diabeetus will say it.
Harry Chapin - "Cat's In the Cradle"

You're so awesome.

For Christ's sake, isn't this tailor-made for Brett Ratner?

Diabeetus hears that there's this awesome show called Mad Men about angry New Yorkers or something?

Diabeetus just threw up a little in his mouth.
Like, gag me with a spoon.

WAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLTTTTTTT!!!

Oh no you di'in't!!! Girrrrllll!!!

HOLYSHITDIABEETUSFORGOTALLABOUTSINGALONGWITHMITCHCHRISTMASTHATSHITISSODOPEDIABEETUSISGOINONEBAYRIGHTNOWYALL!!!

[weeps for humanity, quietly applauds @Yabels]

"When I was in 5th grade, we went to Chuck E Cheese. I saw Chuck E. do a little dance and that's when I knew I'd be a STAR! Totes true story!"