[Diabeetus' bed sores]>[Jamie Foxx's writing abilities]

And their wacky neighbor, Shequeefsalot Johnson.

Diabeetus is a-gonna make 'Merica 'splode.
This is gonna be SO MUCH BETTER than Shakespeare.

That "somewhere" is Diabeetus' basement. Remember that scene from Pulp Fiction? Like that but with shelves full of pickled beets.

Diabeetus prefers to remember Xanadu as that place Charles Foster Kane built to house his fireplace.
Florida, it's your loss.

Diabeetus will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
Wimpy gonna fuck all y'all's shit up!

This makes Diabeetus want to churn butter so HARD.
Dare to be Stupid, everyone! Dare to be Stupid.

Wrong.

Nooooooodity.
This show won't have it.

HELICOPTERRRRRR!!!!!
dumdumdumdumdumdumdumdumdumdumdumdumdumdumdumdum BOOOOOWWWWWOWWW BOOOOOOOOWOWOW

Diabeetus suspects this is a front for the whores.
Diabeetus weeps for the depravity that exists on Craigslist, of all places.

Chest LaRue is gonna be SO pissed.
Ya know, 'cuz her rockin' tits are fake.

Glenn Beck has rape eyes.
And this just sounds terrible.

NIN's cover of Pigface's "Suck" on Broken
A hidden song 99 tracks in? That shit is DEEP. And Diabeetus is well-aware that Broken wasn't a true album but fuck you, that's why.

This weekend in the NY Times Magazine:
Getting Shot Hurts! (an exclusive 8-week undercover story!)

The Verdict is a winner.
Paul Newman is the best alcoholic lawyer ever.

What is "ULTRA GLIDE", Alex?

Tickets for Atlanta are expensive as fuck.
But Coco's worth it. Coco's worth it.

Oliver Stone would like you to shut the fuck up.
"I was in the shit in 'Nam, you pussy! I'll release this shit whenever and it'll STILL do better than Scorsese's crap-fests! I still matter, goddammit!"

Diabeetus gots to roll bounce before he can stomp, y'all. Shiiiiiiit.