Diabeetus prefers the work of Stanislaw Lem.
No, really.

Diabeetus would like to go on record as being appalled on behalf of Michael Jackson's corpse.

Chris Brown: "I Will Smack the Shit Out of These Drawin's"
or
"There's No Possible Way This Image Could Be Connected to Me Havin' to Smack a Bitch: The Album"

Diabeetus would like to answer your question with a question:
If a pony like this were available, would you service it?

Diabeetus would like you to be aware that he dresses up his junk as a centaur.
You're WELCOME.

Diabeetus has a better idea.
To the SNL-Destroying Mobile!!!

On Halloween, Diabeetus will be shooting passers-by…
…with a paintball gun from 7 - 9:15 EST. Feel free to stop by IF YOU DARE.

Diabeetus sees your "Drawn Together" and raises you a "Beat the Geeks".

Diabeetus remembers finding her funny once.
Did she come down with a touch of the D? And by "D" Diabeetus means "retar-D".

Glenn Beck must die so that Diabeetus may be less annoyed.
To the Glenn-Beck-Destroying Mobile!

Diabeetus partied with Soupy back in 73.
Diabeetus will just say that peppermint Schnapps + Soupy Sales + Schlitz = baseball bats, hookers, and a quick trip to New Jersey.

Looks like Diabeetus has an ass-whoopin' to hand out.
To the Ass-Whoopin' Mobile!!!

Is Diabeetus gonna have to choke a bitch?
Diabeetus especially liked how shocked the demon was when lil' Anti-Christ pinned her in the chair and made her shut up.

Diabeetus just heard Kenneth Turan review this on NPR
Kenneth Turan didn't get it and consequently hated it. Kenneth Turan is dead inside. He's also a Communist sleeper agent but that is unconfirmed except in Diabeetus' mind.

This is Diabeetus; your argument is invalid.

Diabeetus can hear the profanity now.
And it makes him sad. And a little hungry.

Diabeetus suspects it tastes like sadness.
Is he wrong?

Diabeetus knows how ovulation works
and this ain't it.

Diabeetus sees your "Ishtar" and raises you one "Waterworld".

Well, God-Fucking-Dammit.
To the Boycott Mobile!