Diabeetus dropped four turds in the toilet this morning and named them all after you four fucktards.

Diabeetus cried a little when that dwarf-thing ate fried chicken out of a bucket behind the fast food restaurant.

Diabeetus is pleased. Ed O'Neill is a personal hero.
Married…with Children was a staple in Diabeetus' home. Furthermore, Diabeetus would like to staple Ed O'Neill's character's hot Colombian wife, if you catch Diabeetus' meaning.

Diabeetus' ass just threw up.
What, no "Benji & the Power of Zingies" coming to theaters near Diabeetus?

Glenn Beck once touched Diabeetus' hand.
Diabeetus scrubbed so hard that he no longer has finger prints but does have immense scarring.

Diabeetus has a weekly newsletter to which you may subscribe.
Inside it says, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, HIPPY."

And that sequel stars Diabeetus.
It will not, however, star that pantywaist George Lazenby. Diabeetus hates one-off James Bond stars.

Diabeetus once took a shit at Houlihan's
But a carny stole it. Do with that what you will, Internet hordes.

Who says Diabeetus wants both?

Don't tell Diabeetus who can accuse of what. Just ask Vince Scully. He knows what he did.

Diabeetus will show you what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.

Diabeetus traded his omnipotent porksword for SEMINAL VESICLES of FORTITUDE.

Noises like that hurt Diabeetus' ears.
Fortunately, the axe handle Diabeetus carries around with him hurts worse.

Diabeetus agrees. The sexual tension between those two is palpable. Also, with a bionic arm there's no cramping during hand shandy's. Diabeetus is just sayin'.

Diabeetus thinks she dies. Like a sacrificial cow.

Diabeetus was born in the town of Chewandswallow
Make of that what you will, internet hordes.

If a movie about camp doesn't involve Ernest
then Diabeetus will take a pass.

DIABEETUSDOESNOTWANT.
A world in which Steven Soderbergh wastes his time and talent on Liberace makes Diabeetus sad. Sad like when Diabeetus has a raw taint from too much wiping.

"…Fox has been transformed into a rapacious demon who feasts on the flesh of the many young men who desire her."
Diabeetus thinks that has the ring of population control and Socialism.

Diabeetus once drank a Gibson with Henry Gibson
And then traded bon mots about the nature of political discourse in 1820's France. Gibson felt the death of Jean-Lambert Tallien marked the end of civil discourse in the French political system while Diabeetus argued that sonofabitch Joseph Fouche got what was coming to…