Diabeetus likes to sing-a
Like the moon-a and the sun-a and the spring-a. Diabeetus likes to sing-a.

If there's any more dancing, Diabeetus will shit a brick.
And then he'll throw it at a baby llama because THAT'S HOW MAD DIABEETUS COULD GET.

Diabeetus does not approve of this pun.

Diabeetus does not approve.
Although, slather that shit in oatmeal and you sir have got yourself a date.

Yes.

On Monday, the part of David Letterman will be played by Diabeetus.
Just you watch, internet hordes.

Diabeetus bounces to "Criminology" weekly
so this is a welcome surprise. Understand, however, that Diabeetus has your kung-fu in his back pocket.

It will hurt. Diabeetus' poo is of a substantial nature.

Diabeetus will beat Jay Leno with a sock filled with poo
Believe Diabeetus; he does not lie.

If Diabeetus had made this movie
there definitely would have been vampires. Diabeetus actually has two in his basement so casting wouldn't have been difficult at all.

Diabeetus agrees that pain don't hurt.
That's all, it don't hurt.

Diabeetus sees that Fame is on this list.
Diabeetus would like to suggest that everyone watch "Fast Forward" from 1985 instead.

Diabeetus will make a chain like that with Gucci Mane's balls.
That's right, Diabeetus threatens rappers.

Diabeetus apologizes
for shitting this fucking turd out onto a baseball field 40 years ago. Diabeetus shoulda buried him in the dirt.

Diabeetus will beat you with a pipe, actually
Manilow fans, you are on notice.

Diabeetus approves.
Diabeetus appreciates television that doesn't take itself too seriously and is continuously entertaining. And if Diabeetus can say this without sounding like a homer-sexual, this show features the best male relationship currently found on television.

Diabeetus once thought he met Courtney Love
but it was just a boil on his thigh. Diabeetus has trouble seeing things…

Diabeetus texts things
Things like "Diabeetus wants a hand shandy in the worst way" or "Diabeetus does not approve of your fucking degenerate, lady-boy lifestyle, Pope Benedict".

Stop remaining cautiously optimistic.
I come here to have my cynical streak stoked not tamped down like so much burning chaff.

Diabeetus thinks Lois will get hers but it won't be pleasant. More like a fingerbang from Diabeetus than one from Don Draper. Matter of fact, Diabeetus hear's tell that Wilford Brimley will be on later in the season. Or Diabeetus could just be making that up because it's awesome.