Do not go gentle into that good night, sentient venereal disease…

"Weird" Al Yankovic
I would like to play the Atari 2600 with "Weird" Al.

Post it on FaceBook?
Diabeetus doesn't want you flippin' people to know who he is. Hrumph.

You realize that I'm standing right behind you with a can of bear mace, right?

Veal Chop!!!
"I tried to put my tongue in her mouth and she punched me in the penis."

Diabeetus in German
is eine kleine Grossshcwanstuppe.

Harvey was Diabeetus' friend.
Spielberg's just gonna rape him and that makes Diabeetus sad.

Y'all don't know him! He do wut he want!

Mint Julep, Diabeetus hates you so much…

iFellate
The contraption that fellates!

Rosebud is his sled.
And Dom Deluise is a crow that likes to make with the sparklies.

Diabeetus doesn't care as long as they're served with dinner at 4:45pm sharp!

Anything, Anything (I'll Give You) by Dramarama
Every goddam time. I get it; her father's pissed.

I'm already Andy Rooney
so suck on that, everyone else!

Or before your posse behind the camera can't stand it anymore and holla out, "Damn, dis be takin' a brotha a minute! Where my 40 at, ho?".

I integrated the Kindle
into the wiping of my taint.

How dare you! Dream On will go down as a classic in the TV Canon! Hrumph!

Tantrum by Jules Feiffer
Always my favorite Feiffer book. I read it when I was a kid and afterwards, I looked at my parents differently. It's like something clicked and I saw them as people for the first time and not just my parents.

How can you tell that Princess Diana had dandruff?

You're being played. Here's why:
This fall, Diabeetus is…DR. ZOIDBERG in BENDER: THE MUSICAL or HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND HAVE SEX WITH MY TELEVISION