Yeah look how that worked out for Carrie White.

The use of future tense makes me think it's a Leonard Pierce review. Written in 2013.

And this week's musical guest…..Dawes

Did she unclench her jaw this week?

They're 100's. They take weeks to smoke.

Sweet Valley Uruk-Hai

I like that the design of the Shadow King was essentially "let's make the Kingpin swarthy and give him a tiny fez"

How about this:
Dinosaurs flying overhead
Waiting for somebody to die

It's impressive that as lame as Sauron is, he's not the worst dinosaur humanoid villain that Marvel came up with. Step up and collect your prize Stegron.

No but the Morley cigarette and Heisler beer ads seem like an odd choice for a comic to run.

"I ain't no Gad damn son of a bitch"
- Glen Danzig

That definitely qualifies. Thanks for the clarification.

You were the only one in the theater? Either you went at a weird time in a small town or this movie may have some problems making money.

Battle of the Network Trumps. Somehow Gabe Kaplan needs to be involved.

At least the Joker makes people smile before he ends their lives. Eviscerating Medicaid will be more effective but less whimsical.

I have vivid memories of Rich Little's A Christmas Carol being on HBO constantly when I was a kid and even then thinking thata Nixon impression was just lazy.

Michael Collins was killed because he wouldn't stop playing Words With Friends during Sinn Fein meetings.

"Is that your Johnny Carson?"
"Jon Stewart"
"You depress me"

Strewth! He's dribbling 3 balls at once!

You know the most dangerous thing in the galaxy, right? Sith Lord with a library card.