"I need a boat!"
"A gravy boat"

Same thing that Joey.blowey said. Our cable went off because of a bad storm and the DVR didn't record Jeopardy. Keep up the good work. These write-ups are a must-read for me.

Washington was never a threat to invade Britain like Napoleon was. I guess that's why my first thought was Napoleon, then realized that would have made him in his 60s when he became emperor.

That Lincoln clue threw me off too. I was thinking the director of the Lincoln Center or something.
On a similar note, I hate the video clues. They slow the show down terribly. I think the contestants know this too and save those for last.

There's a local pastor who does that in an ad for his early Sunday morning church service. He reads an incomprehensible passage from some Old Testament book in the King James translation, and it sounds like Brother Maynard reading the instructions for the Holy Hand Grenade.

The "Talk Like A Pirate Day" guy had himself introduced as a writer and pirate.

These patent papers aren't gonna finish themselves!

Really embarrassed that I missed the Louisiana/Arkansas one.

Which is a parody of Springsteen.

He still jerks off manually

All-natural sleep aids: a huff of glue, a can of cat food, and a beer.

Big 10-inch Record

That was a helluva thing.

Every radio station in town played this song at the same time one day.

U!

9/10. It was more about what I had read and knew it didn't have a map in it.

Is that Inspector Closeau's car?

Disqus is Yucky?

Based on the conversation upthread, I thought that said "collect penises on Halloween."

I was hoping Malvo would use zip ties instead of duct tape.