Are you trying to normalize cake?

I think Trump is unbelievable because in most good works of fiction, the villain is three-dimensional and you understand his motivations. Trump has no redeeming qualities and everything he does is either straight-up awful or motivated by self-interest.

Portland is so white that the Asian supermarket has almost all white employees.

I can't wait for the ad campaign that is going to come from United beating the shit out of that guy and dragging him off their plane.

All three of them? I forgot, were they kinda racist or just crappy?

You don't understand, they need the corporate-branded slurry that a multinational conglomerate created in a food lab to tie into another multinational conglomerate's movie!

Wait, cheap Italian and Mexican food are known for quality vegetables? I'll give you that cheap Americanized Chinese food doesn't have quality…anything, but I think the operating word is "cheap". If you go to a midrange Chinese restaurant, there are plenty of vegetarian options that are delicious and healthy for <$10.

Is that code for "masturbate"?

Hey Mr. Scott, whatcha gonna do?

The show became terrible after Steve Carell left. They also made Ed Helms way too prominent because of his increased profile with the Hangover. I'm glad Parks and Rec didn't become the Chris Pratt show after Guardians of the Galaxy.

The lard lobby should try rebranding as "natural oils" or something like that. They were really hurt by comic strips like Garfield and their frequent use of "lardbutt" as a punchline.

I thought Nazis were patriotic Americans now. This Issac guy sounds like a CUCK, amIrite?

I mostly know this guy as Mads Mikkelsen's new Japanese BFF.

My favorites are when they're sung by an elfin-voiced female singer who is the poor man's version of Ellie Goulding or Lorde.

Hey, it's a real problem! I would be a superstar baseball player if not for my lack of depth perception. That, and the fact I'm 5'7" and fairly weak and flabby and uncoordinated and I prefer sitting quietly and reading.

Were there always so many lasers and explosions right at the start of A New Hope, or was that just the Special Edition?

Don't forget the nuclear fallout that drifted across the ocean and gave people cancer.

Well, "awesome" literally means "inspiring awe". "Terrific" is also a word that has shifted meaning.

Here is my Bohr story: I'm Facebook friends with two descendants of Niels Bohr, from different branches of his family tree. He must have had the "yellow fever" gene, because both of them are part Asian.

I just don't want to be like those half-burned people with broken glass embedded all over their body. Instant vaporization please.