I follow that Taiwanese girl who went viral for being the "cutest McDonald's worker" on Instagram, and I believe she still works for McDonald's. But she's in their training videos and goes to, like, international fast food corporate conventions to represent them. She also has enough leisure time to do typical cute…

He's got so many diseases that they can't get through the proverbial door? We call that "Three Stooges Syndrome."

I read that his rationale for eating fast food is that way they couldn't poison him because he sends a lackey to stand in line.

Trump would call Mr. Rogers a cardigan-wearing pansy.

The system works!

Why did they even remake the theme song in English? I hope the scab singer wore a gender non-confirmative outfit while recording that.

Excuse me sir, I would like to feel the bumps on your cranium. You sound like a depraved reprobate.

I believe it's pronounced "gabagool."

Speaking of which, they are introducing a law in Arkansas to ban Howard Zinn's A People's History of the United States.

He's alright in snowman form.

I remember reading that and thinking, "Hmm, why did I stick with biochemical engineering when I could be on a sitcom" then looking at myself and going, "Oh, I'm ugly."

I shudder to think how dirty the kitchens and bathrooms of right-thinking conservative households will get when they boycott paper towels.

I thought that was ninjutsu, the way of the ninja.

Yeah, he did make that legendary Phantom Menace edit without Jar Jar.

There was the earlier non-celebrity version of the show, which is where we got Trump's one black friend Omarosa (who was basically their version of Puck). Originally Trump had two of his real executives as side judges on the show, but he gradually replaced them with his children, Ivanka and Donny Jr. And he exhibited…

I love how this presupposes that acting takes "no talent." Furthermore, he completely discounts Arnold's bodybuilding career, which was how he first got famous. You might argue that building up your muscles is grotesque and not a worthy pursuit, but it does take a lot of discipline and hard work, two things that Trump…

It's not happening!

You're discriminating against the Sultan of Brunei and homeless people in Brunei!

The worst part is that they are way too susceptible to the Red Chinese cheating and winning unfairly. With real sports, they are still hampered by the smog preventing strenuous physical activity.

Yeah, I contend that baseball is better on the radio than TV, especially if you have an awesome announcer for your team like Vin Scully or Jon Miller. Live is the best experience, of course.