I absolutely needed to know this an hour ago, as opposed to now.

Sounds like a 30 Rock fake movie.

Yes, Updike constantly messed up his punctuation and mixed up what he was trying to say to the point of incomprehension. That is why he was so popular.

As a professional writer, Mike Martz cannot compose his thoughts any better than someone who has had 5 beers. If only he was openly hostile like Grey Man; sadly, I fear this troll will last a long time.

This actually sounds pretty good
Or it could be. Depends on how much "trucks go BOOM" there'll be going on.

"U2 working on album, where, like, Bono talks about injustice and, you know, the Edge plays some riff in that Edge way, but all the songs, we're like, taking out the drums. Yeah"

Hola senoritas guay senores
Me llamo Ricardo Queso…
LET'S MAMBO!

People in Vampires Suck
It seems like for these movies, you don't have to know how to act, you just have to look like the people from the actual movie. Where do they find these people? Do they just have open casting calls reading, "Do you vaguely look like Robert Pattinson? What about Tom Cruise?"

Zing!

Heavens, no! Not any more than Lady Gaga is, at least.

DING DONG

Or, for that matter, how a pimp's love affair differs from that of something taken to the third or fourth power

I'm just glad I got closure on what happened to this guy with 18 posts. It was bothering me for weeks.

In retrospect, that sentence is missing a pretty key word. I'll leave it up to you playing along at home to guess what word!

You mean…
The Irish author guy trying to drum up publicity for his book? I don't know who to trust anymore.

Wouceaba, if that's not true and you made it up, that's brilliant. How'd you like to become a full-time staff writer on the DeadMcMahon account?

Yeah, but how about that toilet?

A Perfect Day for Toilets
At the end, the auctioneer, done extolling the virtues of the toilet [which doesn't exist], kills himself.

High five, Charlie?

Echoing this. Nicely done. Also, let's start a betting pool on how often they'll try to poop out Call of Duty games.