This new cockpuncher app really threatens to disrupt the app space and—OOOOPH

"The REAL best grilled cheese is the one my humble servant Azucena makes for me, made from fresh local vegan camembert delicately sandwiched between truffled quinoa wafers. And now it's available to you, for only $79.99 plus shipping!"
—Somewhere on GOOP, probably

If there's going to be a national grilled cheese chain of restaurants, it had damned better well come from the frigid midwest, which fucking knows comfort food.

Huh, Houston just had one of these open in the past couple months. Also there was already a local grilled cheese place here called Melt.

But always remember: they're the big strong daddies who can stand up to the bad people out there.

Well, he learned his lesson. Turns out Trump might hire him back next week!

When reached for comment, President Trump said, "Good. Let this be a lesson that violence, even threatening violence, against anyone is not acceptable, and real consequences should be had for doing so. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dinner appointment with Congressman Gianforte and Ted Nugent."

I remember Family Circus doing a " . . . NOT!" joke, thereby finally, mercifully, killing its popularity.

Wait!

I was a cubicle drone when it came out. I bought it at midnight and wound up not listening to it until the next day at work. That opening blast of music for airbag gave me instant goosebumps, then when "Paranoid Android" 180s with that burst of music, I actually jumped in my chair.

Or, you know, Trump himself threatening Clinton publicly on several occasions during the election.

Awful.

Oh wow I didn't know his wife died. Weren't they separated too?

Oh shit. Guns n Roses is their opening act.

Seriously. Is this some kind of regional thing?

The real bummer here is that I've always spelled it Berenstein. Why the hell aren't I in that universe then?!

It's the stock criticism: he thinks he's just the Boss of the World now. It's incomprehensible to him on how to actually lead.

Congratulations, MLA.

He's not even trying to justify it. Has he done any prime time speeches about any of his policies to make his case to the American people? Has he explained we we're thumbing our nose at the rest of the industrialized world? Why we're shutting our borders? Taking away health care from millions? Turning away from half a…

Conversely, Night Court was one of the last shows my parents forbid me from watching, until I got too old to pull that on.