Yes Michael Jackson is (was) a child lovin' psycho, but Captain Eo is STILL fucking amazing … no, it just doesn't work (sigh)

I was hoping she'd be talking like Nell throughout the whole movie. The woman still writes like Nell in her online blog, and it would certainly explain Gibson's character's depression — hell, if anyone had to go down on Nell every night they'd be thinking of suicide too …

it's cock or nothing. everything else sounds like an euphemism my old uncle uzziah would mutter while the nurses would change his feeding tube: dong, schlong, adam halfpint, wee willy winky, baloney pony, beastus maximus, zipper wookie, poka-her-hontas, meaty internal spine support, longrod von hugenstein, intrusion…

Mel's middle name is Colm-Cille Gerard? I understand hyphenated last names, but what's the point of a hyphenated middle name? But it all becomes instantly clear — it's true that the homoerotic tension in Peter Weir's Gallipoli is almost all thanks to Gibson's acting, but this goes back much further — the endless…

hmm, so lucas makes minor, superficial changes to his movies, knowing full well that the army of fanboys who bitterly cry foul will also be the ones shelling out big bucks for however much blu-rays are going for nowadays and he'll, as liberace once put it, "be crying all the way to the bank." you go, george! as a…

I totally agree with you that variety is the spice of life, when it's real, but that's the thing about Bukowski, by his own admission a vast majority of what he wrote was simply made up because that's what the editor at Black Sparrow Press wanted — poetry about drinking and fu*cking. So in that regard I find the…

I never knew Self-Referential Poetry was so popular. I decided to do an experiment: I went through all 40 of Bukowski's volumes of poetry and X'd out any poem that was about him having sex for no other reason than he likes to mention how often he gets laid. That took care of 65% of his poems right then. Then I X'd out…

What are you, a 40 year-old virgin? You're talking about Lowell? the drunk? the same poet who mixed vodka with his lithium pills, right? I mean, sure "Skunk Hour" is fun, but Confessional poetry is like watching porn, but turning off the screen and only listening to the terrible dialogue. The only reason I still read…

You mean, Mr. "The Jews Knew About 9/11" himself? (go on, go read "Who Blew Up America" you sucka, I'll wait) … I spent an evening with Mr. Baraka last year at the Dodge Poetry Festival and my first thought was "oh dear! this man is so old and frail looking" but what became clear as the evening went on was that Amiri…

The fact that old, fat drunk Kerouac hated everything slim, young drug-addled Kerouac stood for speaks volumes about that poser. As Rolling Stone magazine summed it up: even Jack Kerouac hated being Jack Kerouac. Having said that, the man made a mean gin-and-tonic.

"and a specific appetite for human teeth" … what is it with Del Toro and cheesy looking, tooth-obsessed CGI monsters? didn't he already do this in Hellboy 2 with the attack of the tooth fairies? don't tell me he's the only person on earth who saw Steve Martin's dentist character in Little Shop of Horrors and became…

camp humor was an aeroplane flying far over keith phipps' head
because anyone who can write in total sincerity the lines "one of the most influential imaginations of the 20th century" concerning Howard and "a half-decent job" regarding the original movie isn't just failing to speak the same language I do when it…

i was so glad when professor griff got kicked out of
Public Enemy and Security of the First World, he was only holding Flavor Flav back (well, him and the Global Zion Conspiracy) "That reveal makes Griff's case for the imaginary hard to swallow and a lot less like one for letting your freak flag fly, especially when…

it was the jolly ol' winter of 1997
and i decided to take a couple of weeks off from my peace corps job of working in a state-run orphanage for disabled babies in the city of gyumri, armenia, and go to istanbul because i missed hot water and drinking something other than home-made vodka. of course, the only way to get…

this is the poem that got me turned on to poetry — dick allen, john ashbery, ilya bernstein, laura conk, stephen dunn, debora greger, rachel hadas, mark halliday jim harrison, robert haas, laura kaischke, joy katz, mark kraushaar, reb livingston, thomas lux, mary oliver, donald platt, j. allyn rosser, ruth stone, kay…

7th heaven
Oh Raphael. Guardian angel. In love and crime all things move in 7s. 7 compartments in the heart. the 7 elaborate temptations. 7 devils cast from Mary Magdalene wh*ore of Christ. the 7 marvelous voyages of Sinbad. sin/bad. And the number 7 branded forever on the forehead of Cain. The first inspired man.…

i didn't realize gollum would be in this one too
the trailer to this film made it seem like it was going to be On Golden Pond With Apes in the beginning until our monkey warrior starts tossing smoke bombs and whole buildings began to explode and all i could think was why did they rip off all gollum's facial…

you can take all that "end of innocence"
crap and fuck it. seriously, why do adults think kids want to read about the loss of childhood innocence in the first place? milne (who admitted he hated children) does it, i had forgotten the existential angst of the book's ending with christopher robin outgrowing all his…

ah yes, coltrane, the name everyone drops and no one listens to
six years ago at the dodge poetry festival someone asked philip levine, cuz he is hip and likes jazz, what he thought about coltrane. the man paused at the microphone, sighed loudly and said: "coltrane? yeah, some of his early stuff was sort of good,…

my grandparents listened to this really sucky band from liverpool
Why aging hipsters still slobber over the shriveled c*ocks of Lennon/McBast*ardly is beyond me when they rhyme "In the toowwwn where I was boorrnn" and Yellow Submarine is suppose to be the hallmark of rock and roll, because who doesn't love a good sea…