Thank you.

do you also watch porn only for the dialogue?
i mean, goda*mn, 99% of all pop lyrics are poor-man's poetry at best. the last song that had any depth to me was MADONNA's Like A Virgin, and that was because i was 8 and didn't know what the word virgin meant. NEW ORDER, LOU REED, DAVID BOWIE (cocaine did no favors to his…

well, duh, who hasn't given asimov fellatio?
I mean, they guy was a pig, worse than Mel Gibson, when it came to getting people to blow him. I met his wife once, at some scifi swingers club in Cleveland, I forget exactly, the meth wasn't doing me any favors back then. You go down on a woman for 45 minutes and all she…

1,000,000,000 poorly aging 30+ somethings can't be wrong …
… i like the A.V. Club because the concerns of the writers here are so amazingly middle-class and high-brow i can legitimately sympathize with why chairman mao had all the intellectuals sent out to the country-side to re-education through manual labor.

Salo 120 days of sodom …
Children getting anally raped, tortured and executed. That's the plot. Pasolini made it right before he was killed and the Italian intelligentsia were defending it, saying that since it was a Pier Paolo film then it had to be art. He called a press conference and said "I made an evil fascist…

Vibes II: the Return of Harry Buscafusco
… but this time played by Joey Buttafuoco.

the times they are changin …
It's interesting that the French, in the 1970s and 80s, had an entire movie genre devoted to oily older men deflowering underage girls and Netflix calls them "steamy coming-of-age stories" (see anything David Hamilton directed, such as Laura or Premiers Desirs). Perhaps that is why Roman…

tits! square heads! of course AKIRA had problems …
Yeah, well, it's a given Hollywood will only use pretty boys in the lead but the real question is what actor gets the thankless job of playing the Colonel, with that comical square head of his and inability to speak without shouting his lines like the rest of the cast…

does it have bruce
lee? cuz even the original was insufferable except for one thing — bruce lee kicking ass.

Even as name dropping every trendy place in Chicago, Time Traveler's failed …
Thank you Lindsey Thomas: the Time Traveler's was one of the shittiest books I've read in a long time. The whole pedo-grooming aside, Niffenegger's idea of character development is name-dropping bands from the 1990s and places in Chicago I'm…

The only thing worse than those shitty movies are the fans who never, ever seem to shut up over how shitty they are. Seriously, it'd be one thing if people were adding something new to the conversation but making the observation that Jar Jar Binx is irritating isn't exactly news. I can see 20 or 30 years from now…

once again 12 yr olds shit out another Inventory
I use to think 10 Great Songs Nearly Ruined By Saxophone the worst Inventory list of all time since none of the reasons made any sense beyond "It sucks." But this list is even shittier because it suggests that the editors are somehow more in tune with what makes a…

"i'm governor of arkansas mike huckaby, wanting to say congratulations canada on preserving your national igloo."

the virgins have won
The ONLY reason any of us got into our mom's underwear and lip-synced on stage was for the bad acid and a chance to have sex, on stage, with complete strangers, in a crowded movie theater. The idea that people actually watch Rocky for any other reason (come on, at home on DVD?) is … damn, just…

TO QUOTE RUN DMC: "ONLY SUCKA DJS WORRY ABOUT COPYRIGHT LAWS"
So we create and sell music editing systems like GarageBand and then get upset when people use them as they are intended? We construct computers with the ability to download anything we want and then cry foul when people do just that? Listening to people…

VanDerWerff might want to find a new job
Is it that so few English-speakers read fiction anymore that critics can get away with calling whatever the hell they feel like "the novel of the decade" even though, in truth, it isn't? I'm not sure who VanDerWerff is (though if being surrounded by old people full of regret…

calvin college? WTF
i live down the street from calvin and what's even more f*cktastic that the admin canceled the NP is that there was a "musical concert" at calvin at all. there's no such thing as christian liberal arts and certainly not in grand rapids, michigan, which puts the blobby dough in white bread. i'm not…

selling out the cure
Two words: Robert Smith. Like U2 there was a point in the dark ages of the 1980s when the world hadn't been drowned in their stupid radio-safe pap. Hell, in 1984 The Cure represented everything Bruce Springsteen's Born in the USA wasn't: good ol' boy jingoism Jocks ate up. Then one day Smith found…